


Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Show

by genericfanatic



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Afghanistan, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Gunshot Wounds, Gunshots, Homophobia, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slurs, War violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-07-08 21:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15938378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genericfanatic/pseuds/genericfanatic
Summary: It's 2001, and Thace and Ulaz are both assigned to the same unit in Afghanistan, which starts a journey facing gunmen, homophobic soldiers, family, secrets, a mystery to solve, family again, and worst of all, each other.





	1. The Desert

**Author's Note:**

> Important Note: While I did some research in this fic, I have no military experience, no medical experience, and have taken some very liberal creative licenses on this text. So. Give me a bit of a break? I don't mind corrections as long as they're given in a respectful manner and not a 'you done fucked up' manner.
> 
> Also, this could get political, especially around early 2000's policies, continuing until now-ish. A lot of people come to read fanfic for a break, so if this isn't your cuppa, no hard feelings, just letting you know now. 
> 
> Anyway, events are outlined, but chapters are not, or at least, not as clearly. If I were to estimate I'd go for....10? chapters? Ish? who knows.

The desert was quiet.

Too Quiet.

Heheh. Ulaz always wanted to say that. No, it was the perfect amount of quiet. Quiet was good. Quiet meant there weren’t any enemy combatants around. Didn’t mean they hadn’t been here, but there was only so much he could do as Medic. 

He watched alongside Sgt. Kolivan as the scout sent the hand signal back to where the Ranger Squad was in hiding. Kolivan nodded for Ulaz to follow him and to meet up with them. “Signs?” 

“Target’s about 10 clicks West,” Thace said, “There’s a village south of here. No sign of combatants for at least 8 clicks.”

Kolivan nodded, “We’ll make camp here then.” He looked down the dune at the rest of the Squad. “Blue team, set the perimeter with me, Red team, set up camp with Ulaz.”

Krolia, Antok, and Regris went over to the front of the truck, while Ulaz and Thace walked in sync over to the back and started unloading the food bags. He frowned opening the bag. “Something wrong?” Thace asked. 

“We have more rations than we’re supposed to,” he said, counting through the packets of food again, in case he miscounted. 

“Thought you packed extra, just in case.”

“I DID,” Ulaz said, frowning as his re-count came to the same result, “We have MORE extras now.”

Thace gave his best “Huh.” Ulaz’s eyes dug into him. That was far too suspicious a ‘huh’. “Maybe they’re breeding,” He suggested, even though he clearly knew he’d been caught.

“Or maybe,” Ulaz said, “Someone didn’t eat his rations.” 

Thace looked around innocently, “It was Regris, wasn’t it?”

Ulaz nailed him with food bag to the face. He blinked in surprise, until a barrage came onto him. “You,” Ulaz said, throwing more at him, “Need! To! Eat! Your! Food!”

Thace backed away, trying to protect himself “Hey! Hey! Look who’s wasting food now!” Ulaz hit him with another perfectly timed food package, making Thace trip over a sand bank. He and all his kevlar glory dropped into the dirt. 

Behind him he heard a sharp laugh from Regris, and twin groans of annoyance from Antok and Krolia.

Thace leaned up onto his elbows, glaring up at Ulaz, who was running out of ration-based ammunition. His mouth was pursed though, and Ulaz knew he was about ready to burst out laughing. “You’re a very mean doctor, you know that?”

In answer, Ulaz stepped over, standing over Ulaz, and dropped the empty bag over his head. “Yep.” 

Thace shook it off. “Ulaz,” Kolivan called over to them, and Ulaz froze, “Clean that up.” Thace laughed. “Thace, help him.” 

Ulaz didn’t laugh, but he did snicker as the both of them went digging through the sand to try and replace the food in order. “You’ve gotta stop skipping meals,” Ulaz said, dropping his voice to something more earnest, “We’re sweating and walking a lot out here, especially you. You need to keep up your caloric intake.”

“Calm down, Ulaz,” Thace said, “It’s just breakfast.”

“Breakfast is the most important!” Ulaz snapped at him, picking up another container to throw at him, but thinking better of it, just hit him with his hand instead. 

“Can you sound anymore like a cereal commercial?” Thace asked, grabbing the last one and jamming it in, “Look, it just makes me nauseous to eat in the morning.”

“I don’t give a shit,” Ulaz said, taking the pack out and replacing it more gently.

“I do,” Thace said, “That’s the problem.” Ulaz hit him again. “Don’t you have some oath you swore or something?”

“Stop trying to distract me,” Ulaz said, taking a deep breath. As fun as it was trading insults, There was a prickle of actual worry running through him. “Melvin…”

“Ew,” Thace said, scrunching up his face, “No first names, I thought this was the army.” Thace screwed up his face. “What even IS your first name?”

“Ognjen,” Ulaz said. Thace blinked at him. “Which is why I don’t say it much.” 

Thace smiled, trying out the name “On...Onguyan. Ongen.” Ulaz snorted at the attempts. No one except his mother called him that. “That Welsh or something?”

“Croatian,” Ulaz said, “And you’re trying to distract me again.” 

Thace sighed overdramatically, “You’re too smart for my fiendish schemes,” he said. 

Ulaz smacked him on the head, “I’m worried about you, idiot.”

“Aww, how sweet.” Thace said, making kissy faces at him, “You gonna feed me? Play doctor for me?” 

He keeps making obnoxious kissing noises until Ulaz knocks him over for the second time into the sand. “You can finish setting up the food,” Ulaz said, “I’m checking the medical supplies.” 

Krolia came up. “Need a hand?” he asked Thace, as he passed by handling the ammunition. 

“That would be wonderful,” Thace said, reaching up, but Krolia did not extend a hand to him. Krolia smiled, “I need better friends,” Thace said, collapsing on the sand. 

Krolia chuckled, “You could always talk to the Sarge about switching over to Blue Team.”

“Ew,” Thace said, leaning his head back to see the other team, handling the perimeter, “I’m not going over to Team No Fun. Sendak’s over there.”

“You could do well to have a little less fun,” Antok said, making Regris help him set up tents. 

“Antok, why don’t YOU switch to team no-fun. You’d fit right in.” Thace said, leaning back and letting the others do the work. 

Antok groaned. He didn’t want to be on Sendak’s team anymore than Thace did. Thace could be annoying, but at least he wasn’t a dick. And as much as Antok was a serious-mcserious pants, he wasn’t a dick. 

Ulaz liked spending more time with Red team as well, when it came down to it. Technically, he wasn’t on either team as the medic, just like Kolivan wasn’t as their CO, but he’d made good friends with Krolia and Thace, not to mention Regris was nice, for a kid, and Antok had his moments. 

“Hey, Ulaz,” Krolia said, “Gotta talk to you ‘bout that sunburn.”

“I told you not to go sand diving in the nude!” Thace said, teasing on the ground. Krolia rolled his eyes at him, and went into the truck as Ulaz followed. 

There wasn’t much space for private conversations in the desert with the whole squad, but they’d found a way to make do, closing themselves into the truck. “It started?” Ulaz asked, and was not talking about a sunburn. 

Krolia nodded. “Don’t suppose you’ve got tampons in your med kit?” she asked sarcastically.

“As it happens, no,” Ulaz said, “but I think I’ve come up with some rudimentary pads. Should be better than rags.”

Like a bad drug dealer, he passed the pads over to Krolia underhanded. She rolled her eyes, but took them, stuffing them in her pockets. Ulaz was the only one to know that Yunseo Krolia was not a man, but had forged papers necessary to join a combat unit, as currently women weren’t allowed in combat. Krolia wasn’t having that, though, and so found a way to get herself into a unit. 

She still had some specific medical needs, though, so she was lucky to be able to trust Ulaz. “Thanks,” she said, a little amused by how Ulaz was trying to be secretive, but she was honestly thankful. 

“Any other symptoms?” Ulaz asked, “Cramps, headaches, nausea?”

“The works,” She said, rubbing her back, “But I’ve been managing.”

“Alright, I’ve got some pain meds,” He said, pulling them out of his pocket, “try and take them sparingly, the less I can report we used the better.”

She gave him a little salute taking the meds, “You got it, doc.” She said smiling, “And….really, thanks.”

Ulaz smirked. “I can’t even imagine what it’s like, trying to keep a secret like this. How’d you do it?”

Krolia shrugged, “I’m good at making myself disappear. I just want to do what I can, you know?”

Ulaz nodded. “I gotcha. I mean, no reason you shouldn’t. You’re clearly as good as all the guys.”

She snorted a laugh, “Thanks.” She looked out the window, checking no one was paying attention to them. “And I’ll keep your secret too, but you might want to be a bit more subtle.” 

Ulaz frowned at her, thinking. “What secret?”

“Thace?” Krolia said, as though that explained everything. They both looked out the window where Thace was starting a small fire, nearly getting himself burnt. 

“What about him?” Ulaz asked, his blood going cold. 

“Aren’t you two….” She motioned, between them, but let the rest of her words hang. “I’m not asking.”

“I’m not telling,” Ulaz said, eyes glimpsing back to Thace again, “There isn’t anything TO tell.” He said, not about to own up to anything. 

“So, the ‘playing doctor’ line….” 

“That was just Thace, messing around,” Ulaz said quickly. He wasn’t going to get into his own wandering eye towards the Private. “You know how he is.”

“I know how he is with you,” Krolia said, eyebrows raising up. 

Ulaz bit his tongue using a great deal of willpower not to blush. “It’s not like that,” He said, “And you know it never could be.” 

“Yeah,” Krolia said, knowingly, “Just like a woman can’t be in combat.” She opened the door to leave. “Thanks for help with the sunburn, doc.”

Ulaz’s gaze fell over to Thace, who was fighting and failing not to let the sparks from the fire from landing on his arm. Ulaz chuckled to himself as Thace fell back again, yelping in pain. Sighing, he got burn cream out of his pack and walked over. “Alright, show me.” 

Like a kid who’d been caught doing what his mom had told him not too, Thace reluctantly held out his arm. The burn wasn’t bad, just a couple little red marks. Still Ulaz held his hand and rubbed some of the cream into his skin. 

And if he turned a little red, well, that was just the hot desert sun. 

 

“MAN DOWN, MAN DOWN,” Prorok called over the radio, “East side building!”

“I’m on my way!” Ulaz communicated back. Ulaz backed up against the wall, planning his route. 

A body landed on the wall beside him, and he jumped before realizing it was Thace. “There’s a combatant on the north wall,” He said, “You’ll never make it that way, you have to go around.”

“That’ll take too long!” He hissed back, going back to planning. The North combatant would be a problem, there weren’t a lot of places for cover in this small town. 

Thace sighed, exasperated. “You’re a stubborn bastard, you know that?” Thace said.

“Look who’s talking,” Ulaz snarked back, mostly ignoring him as he attempted to focus. Damn this desert it was way too damn hot to even think.

“Stay down until I give you the signal, then run like hell, got it?” Thace said, finally getting Ulaz’s attention.

Ulaz blinked in confusion, or maybe because there was sand, but next thing he knew Thace was pushing past him into the open. “Thace!” He called, but Thace was already gone, gun out. A thousand thoughts shot through Ulaz’ head, but the only one he could really comprehend was ‘not him!’

Around the corner he heard gunfire, but respected Thace’s command of stay down, until he heard “GO! GO! GO!” Ulaz ran like hell, depending on his military training to ignore his instincts. 

He made it to the East building, not knowing Thace’s fate, but that wasn’t his responsibility right now. In what was clearly someone’s home before they were evacuated (Ulaz hoped), he found Prorok and Sendak on the ground. “He got shrapnel in his eye,” Prorok said, leaning over Sendak, and putting pressure on it as he writhed on the ground in pain. 

“I got this,” Ulaz said leaning over to handle the situation, “Go on.” Prorok ran off to do...whatever it was he needed to do. Ulaz had to focus on what was in front of him. He shined a light where Sendak was clawing at his eye. 

Ulaz made quick work of removing Sendak’s hand to get a look, shining a light. The shrapnel had clouted the area, leaving the entire right half of his face a bloody mess. “Calm down,” He told him as the private winced in pain, “I can’t treat you if you don’t hold still.”

“You better fix this, doc,” Sendak snarled, “You’d better---AAAH!” He screamed out as Ulaz started to clean the wound. 

“Looks like nothing’s pierced your eye, that’s good,” Ulaz said, shining a light on him, “I’ll need to extract some of the shrapnel before I bandage it, though, and we’ll need to get you to a military hospital.” 

Sendak groaned, both in agony and frustration. See, this is why Ulaz didn’t like him. He kneeled on Sendak’s shoulder to keep him down and his arm out of the way, using one hand to keep his head as steady as possible, the other to remove the shrapnel. 

Once he got rid of most of it, (which Sendak made a struggle of in itself) Ulaz got a better look. “You’ve got a pretty bad scratch to your cornea,” he muttered, not sure if Sendak even heard him. “And your pupils aren’t….” He swallowed. 

He covered Sendak’s uninjured eye with one hand. “What are you doing?” Sendak demanded. 

“Tell me when you see the light.” Ulaz said, flashing his light on and off. 

Sendak huffed an injured breath. “Well, come on, doc, gonna turn it on any time this century?” 

Ulaz swallowed and removed his hand. The other eye seemed fine. “You’ve gone blind in your right eye,” he said bluntly, “It could be temporary, but you’re going to need eye surgery as fast as possible. I’ll call Kolivan to bring in a helicopter.”

“Eye surgery?” Sendak demanded, “It’s just a damn scratch!” 

“To your eye,” Ulaz said, professionally not mentioning how Sendak had been screaming his head off a moment ago. “It’s a sensitive organ, you need help.”

“We can’t call in a chopper now,” Sendak breathed heavily, “I’m not going to be the one to ruin the whole goddamn mission!” 

“If we don’t you could lose your whole goddamn eye!” Ulaz fought back, reaching for his radio. 

Sendak’s hand closed around his wrist, seeming to try to break it. “It is MY eye,” He said, “MY choice. You will bandage it up and leave me be. It’ll get better on it’s own.” 

Ulaz glared him down. He was prepared to call the chopper anyway, fuck whatever Sendak said, but at the moment he was about to call it in, the radio crackled to life. “Medic!” Krolia’s voice called, “Thace has been shot! North West Building!” 

Ulaz swallowed, his blood going cold in the desert air. “Hold on, I’ll be right there,” He said over the radio. He bandaged Sendak’s eye as fast as possible, probably faster, and was out of the building like a shot. 

The combatant on the north building seemed to be gone, giving Ulaz a straight shot to the coordinates Krolia gave him. He passed Prorok’s fallen body, and checked for a moment to see if there was any chance of saving him. There wasn’t. 

He burst in, finding Krolia hunched over Thace, Kolivan, Antok, and Regris at the wall, trading fire with unseen assailants. “Thace!” He said, diving to the ground. 

“Took you long enough,” Thace struggled to say.

“Stay steady,” He said. Krolia had put a good amount of pressure on the wound, right in his shoulder. Ulaz noted with amusement for a moment that she’d used the pads he’d given her, unrecognizable as more than just bits of bloody fabric now, but still, it seemed to come in handy. “Just try to breath as regularly as you can.”

“Easy for you to--” Thace coughed again, wincing in pain as Krolia removed her hands to let Ulaz take over. 

“Don’t talk,” Ulaz said, “Doctor’s orders.” Krolia ran off to help the others. 

“We’re closing in on our target,” Kolivan said, “Will he make it?” 

Ulaz bit his lip, using one hand to take out proper gauze and a tourniquet. “The wound’s clean, entry and exit wound. But I don’t want to risk too much we need to get a chopper here now.”

“We’re this close,” Antok said, countering him, “We risk more retreating now than handling the threat while we have them closed in.”

Kolivan grit his teeth. “Antok, you take Regris and go from the side, lay down a line of cover fire. Blue team,” He said into his radio, “Whoever’s left over there, you corner them from the back so they can’t run. Krolia and I will take them from behind. Doc,” He said, looking down at Ulaz, “Keep him alive as long as you can.”

Ulaz nodded as the soldiers filed out to their commands. Ulaz took Thace’s free hand and brought it to the gauze on his shoulder, “Press down as hard as you can. I’m going to try and staunch the blood flow,” Thace nodded, pressing as Ulaz released to wrap the tourniquet around his shoulder. 

Thace hissed, letting out a small yell, but clearly swallowing the majority of his pain, instinctually fighting against Ulaz’s hold. “Hey remember what I said about the breathing,” Ulaz said, “I don’t want you going into shock.”

Thace made a concerted effort to breath, but it came out raggedy, sputtering like an old car engine. “You’re awful bossy, you know that?” Thace muttered. 

“I also told you to shut up,” Ulaz said. He tried to make his words sharp, but his worry wavered them. He tied the tourniquet off and started packing the wound with gauze. “Just...just keep breathing. 

“How can I, when you’ve taken my breath away?” Thace said, smirking. Or trying to smirk, anyway. It looked more like he was grimacing in pain, but A for effort. 

Ulaz gulped, shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re the only person who can still make jokes with a hole sticking through your flesh.”

“Well I’m a unique kinda--aaahhh, guy,” he managed to say. Sweat was pouring off his face in buckets. “Besides, this could---be my last chance to say---anything. Take that--Dr. No Fun.” his words became more stuttered as he struggled to breath. 

“Stop talking,” Ulaz said, all the bite taken out, leaving a plea behind. “We’ll get you out of here, you’re going to be ok?”

Thace’s mouth twitched in what might have been a smile. “You know, when you’re nice to me, thats when I know--” he coughed on the dry desert air, “that’s when I know to be scared.”

They both heard gunshots in the distance. Whatever was happening was happening now. Ulaz couldn’t focus on that now. Once the wound was packed, he started wrapping it with bandages. “Shh,” He said, feeling along Thace’s forehead. His skin was clammy, and Ulaz could see his face lose color. “You’re fine. The bullet didn’t even hit anything major. You’ll be just fine.”

Thace raised his hand from his uninjured arm, holding it out to Ulaz. It shook like a leaf in a hailstorm. Ulaz took the hand in both of his, keeping it steady. “I’ve got a lot--lot to say though,” He said, “I don’t wanna….I’m scared, doc,” he swallowed, looking up at Ulaz, “I don’t wanna die.”

“Don’t think like that.” Ulaz urged him. “The others will be back soon, and we’ll get you to a hospital straight away. Just stay calm.” 

“Easy for you to--” His words were cut off by another coughing fit. Ulaz held his head steady, trying to keep his airway clear. There was no blood, which Ulaz counted as a blessing, but his eyelids were drooping. “Ul….” he muttered between staggered breaths and coughing, “I wanted to---I need--Im---” his words fell to the wayside as he stopped breathing all together, gaping like a fish. 

“Thace? THACE?” Ulaz said, ripping off the other man’s kevlar vest as best as he could, trying to clear any pressure on his lungs. He pinched Thace’s nose and performed mouth to mouth, watching in satisfaction as Thace’s chest rose. He did it a few more times just to be safe, and saw Thace breathing on his own, “Now Stop! Talking!” Thace nodded just slightly, leaving Ulaz surprisingly little to do other than hover over him, holding his head and watching him breath. 

After what felt like eons, Ulaz heard a chopper flying in. “Can you stand?” Ulaz asked. Thace shrugged. “Alright, come on.” Ulaz lifted him up, half carrying him out of the building towards the chopper.


	2. Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ulaz waits for Thace to come out of the hospital, and breaches some army rules.

Ulaz sat next to Krolia in the waiting room, leg bouncing. “You said yourself he wasn’t too bad,” Krolia re-assured him. He nodded silently, but his leg couldn’t stop bouncing. “You took excellent care of him. He’ll probably make a full recovery.”

Ulaz hummed, reluctant to get into it. The surgeons agreed with Krolia, that his prognosis was good. Still, he couldn’t get the image of Thace choking on his own breath out of his head. He was so terrified, and Ulaz had felt so helpless. 

As a medic he’d seen more than his fair share of horrors in war. A great deal of it shook his nightmares, and most of it had been worse than this. Really, Thace’s injuries were practically a nosebleed in comparison. But it still shook him. 

He didn’t think Thace had gotten shot giving him cover. He’d asked Krolia but she hadn’t seen. If he had--

He stopped himself right there in that train. If he had, it still wasn’t Ulaz’s fault. It was war, war was chaos, that’s just how it was. 

“Is there a Private Ulaz here?” A nurse asked, coming out of the room. Ulaz stood automatically, face blank in silent question. “Someone in your squad is asking for you.”

Ulaz nodded, heading for the doorway before the nurse, who had to jog slightly to catch up. He felt bad, but not really bad enough to slow down. 

When he was led to the room he frowned, his brain not recognizing who was in front of him at first beyond ‘Not Thace.’ No, instead there was Sendak, reclined on his bed and glaring at him with his one good eye. 

“You’re an ass, Ulaz.” Sendak grumbled as the nurse let them be. 

Ulaz sighed, “Oh. Hello Sendak. Feeling better?”

“I just had surgery on my EYE,” He snarled, “How do you THINK I’m feeling.”

“Like maybe you should have listened to me?” Ulaz suggested one eye raised, “Or maybe like you should have ducked?”

“Can it, fuckwad,” Sendak said, “Because of your shitty bandage job, the surgeon said I might never regain my eyesight. They even said they’d might have to take out the eye!” 

“Ouch,” Ulaz said, not feeling any sympathy. He may have worked fast but he was 100% confident the bandage was fine. It was just a matter of getting him to the hospital fast enough. “EYE hope that doesn’t happen.” He said, completely deadpan. 

“Listen you fucking faggot,” Sendak said, lips curled, “Oh, yeah, I know about that. If they take my eye I’ll be discharged. If I get discharged my entire career is ruined, and it will be your fault.”

Ulaz narrowed his eyes at him, “So what, is this some kind of vengeance kick?” he said, “you want me to feel sorry for you? Guilty? Because I can tell you I’m not.”

“It’s called blackmail,” Sendak said, “I need you to sign the paper to say I’m fit for duty.”

“You are literally sitting in a hospital bed with a bandage holding your eye in,” Ulaz said, not impressed with Sendak’s fury. Or at least that’s what he was on the outside. But he was gay, he knew how to keep his cool under fire. “And besides that, I’m not your doctor while you’re here.”

“I can request you as my doctor,” Sendak said, “And you can sign the form.”

“I’m not even qualified for that,” Ulaz said, “I’m a field medic.”

Sendak scowled, “You can still sign the form.”

Ulaz sighed. “First off, even IF what you’re saying is true about me, which it’s NOT,” he lied, “You can’t just go up to an officer and tell them ‘that person’s gay’ it doesn’t work that way. That’s the whole point of the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ thing,” He said, “Second, even if it did work that way, there’s absolutely no way I’m ever declaring you fit for duty if you’re not. Not that I care if you get yourself killed, but you might get the rest of our unit killed in the meantime.”

Sendak screwed up his eyes at him. “Like your little fuckboy?” Sendak said.

Ulaz pinched the bridge of his nose, “My WHAT?” 

“Everyone knows you’re fucking Melvin Thace,” Sendak said, smirking, “And you can do a lot more of it once the both of you are dishonorably discharged.”

Ulaz stepped over to Sendak’s bed, actually snarling as he leaned over Sendak’s bed. Ulaz wasn’t particularly big, but he was tall and lanky, and had enough muscle to be intimidating, especially to someone just sitting on a hospital bed. “If we get dishonorably discharged,” He whispered to Sendak, “Who’s going to sign your form?”

Sendak snarled at him, but had clearly run out of responses. Ulaz backed away, ready to make it back to the lobby. 

He didn’t make it past Sendak’s door before Krolia came up to him. “Ulaz!” He said, “Thace has a room now, they’re letting Kolivan see him.” Ulaz nodded, following her to Thace’s room. 

When they arrived, Thace broke into a wide smile while Kolivan stood tall, stopping whatever it was he was talking to Thace about. “Hey guys,” Thace said jovially, “Come on in, Sarge was just telling me I get a medal for not ducking fast enough.”

“The purple heart is an honor,” Ulaz said, as dryly as he could, “One I’d be careful about mocking in an ARMY HOSPITAL.” He swallowed his smile at seeing Thace ok, and back in normal spirits. 

“Oh, believe me, I feel honored,” He said, leaning back, “I was just hoping they’d let me keep the bullet.”

“The bullet went straight through you, it’s sitting in a wall back on site,” Ulaz said, coming up to his bedside, “And I’M not going back to get it for you.”

Thace grumped, “Spoilsport.” He was still smiling, though.

“Um, Sargeant,” Krolia said, “I had something I wanted to talk to you about for our future missions, can I speak to you?” She motioned to the door to pull Kolivan out.

Kolivan frowned, and for a moment, Ulaz was worried he’d see through her razor thin excuse and call her out on it, but he only said, “Certainly,” and followed her out the room. 

Thace stretched, “I got this damn crick in my neck from these hospital bed that I just can’t--” He winced, hissing in a breath as his neck movements pulled on his bandaged shoulder. 

“Hold still, dumbass,” Ulaz said, reaching over to grab at Thace’s neck. He pulled him slightly off the bed and felt along his spine. With a jab, he cracked the joints back into place, making Thace yell out in the process.

“Jesus, Doc,” Thace said, massaging his neck with his good arm, “Anyone ever tell you you’re a sadist?” 

“Just you,” Ulaz said, pulling up a chair to sit beside him. 

Thace moved his head around in wonder, “Hey, that really worked.”

“They don’t call me ‘doc’ for nothing,” Ulaz smirked, leaning back. 

Thace snorted, “A true gentleman and a scholar,” Thace said, “Though usually I ask for a drink before I let a fellow kiss me.”

Ulaz froze up, the smile dropping off his face. “You shouldn’t joke like that,” he said solemnly. “Someone’s going to take you seriously one of these day.

Thace leaned back, staring at Ulaz like he was trying to read his mind. For a moment, Ulaz wondered if he actually could. “I suppose that all depends on who’s the one taking me seriously, then.”

Ulaz bit his tongue trying to read Thace in turn. “I’m not asking,” He said, carefully repeating Krolia’s words.

“I’m not telling,” Thace said, his smirk coming back, “I’m more of a show-er anyway.”

The pair of them stared each other down. Ulaz didn’t really know what he was looking for, which might explain why he wasn’t sure what it was he found in Thace’s expression. He looked so sure of himself, so happy, and for the life of him Ulaz couldn’t understand why. What was happy in any of this, in anything since they’d arrived in Afghanistan? 

Unable to handle the look any longer, Ulaz stood up, pacing over to the window. “You need to be more careful,” he said, “People are already suspecting something.”

“Aw, but we haven’t even done anything to be suspicious about yet.” Thace said, still joking. 

“Would you stop?” Ulaz said, “This is serious.”

“I am serious,” Thace said, “What’s the fun of getting rumors made up about you if the rumors aren’t even true?”

Ulaz’s mouth went dry. He turned just slightly to the side to see Thace in his peripherals. “Are they true?”

He could feel Thace watching him. “Thought you weren’t asking.”

“Cut the crap, Thace,” Ulaz said, “You know what I mean.”

Thace stared him down again, and there was something about the way he was looking that made Ulaz feel warm, some softness in his gaze that made him seem welcoming. “Come here,” Thace told him. 

Disregarding the warning bells in his brain, Ulaz’s legs followed Thace’s command like they were enchanted. Once he was at the edge of the bed, Thace beckoned him with a finger from his good hand. 

Against his best instincts, he leaned down until Thace could finally grabbed him and pull him in for a kiss. 

Ulaz froze for half a second, wanting to relax into it, but instead of relaxing or enjoying all he could feel was panic and paranoia. 

He jerked away, first turning towards the door to make sure no one had seen it, and then at Thace. He wanted to be angry, but Thace was still just smirking at him. “Are you--” He muttered, sputtering, “Are you CRAZY?!” He whisper-yelled, hoping no one could hear him. “What did--How can you just--”

“Told you I was more of a show-er,” Thace said. “You are too, really. You just show it differently. Luckily, I am trained to spot the hard to find.” 

Ulaz spluttered for a moment. “Am I really that obvious?”

Thace chuckled, “Nah, I was just looking for it.” He reached out with his good hand, intent on pulling Ulaz back in

Ulaz only pulled further away, “This is SERIOUS, Thace.”

“You said that already,” Thace mocked him. Ulaz scowled, but Thace cut him off before he could really snap. “I know it’s serious, Ulaz. I am serious.”

Ulaz pinched the bridge of his nose. “Thace. We could be more than discharged. The label will follow us forever. We’d get no benefits. You...You were SHOT. You’ll probably need veterans benefits and you told me you want to go to college and get some fancy work and do so many things…” he shook his head, “don’t you DARE let me get in the way of that.”

The smile finally melted off Thace’s face. He held out his hand again, less summoning, more inviting. Against his better instincts, Ulaz took it. “I AM serious,” he repeated, “I’m serious about you. I know I’m all jokes and charm, but I don’t take this lightly.” He squeezed Ulaz’ hand. “I know the risks. I honestly do. But I think you….we might be worth it.”

Ulaz hoped Thace didn’t see the small tear that formed in the corner of his eye before he disciplined it back into place, but knowing Thace’s sharp eyes, he probably did. “You’re not just crazy,” Ulaz said, “You’re stupid.”

Thace shrugged, hint of his typical smile returning. “Better stupid and happy than smart and alone.”

Ulaz gulped, not able to take anymore. Without even checking to see if anyone was near the door or window, he leaned down, grabbing Thace’s face and kissing him with all his might.

They enjoyed a moment of bliss, where Ulaz felt like his brain might be exploding (of course, that could just be the adrenaline), before it was Thace’s turn to pull away. “Ow owowowow,” he muttered, grabbing his shoulder, “Careful on the muscle strain there.”

“Sorry,” Ulaz said, biting his lip, face still very much in Thace’s space.

Thace smirked. “Didn’t tell you to stop.”

And so Ulaz didn’t.

 

Hospital food was the worst, and Army Hospital food all the more so. Ulaz wasn’t even injured, yet here he was subjecting himself to this every damn night. “Eat,” He commanded Thace.

Thace turned his nose up at the forkful of unidentifiable glop. “You eat it.” 

Ulaz “I already ate. This is yours. Now eat.”

Thace whined like a child, leaning away from the fork. “Not hungry.” 

“Thace….” Ulaz said, glaring at him unimpressed. 

“I thought you came out here to make out,” Thace grumped, “Not act like my mother.”

Ulaz smirked, getting an idea. He put the fork down and leaned forward, laying on Thace’s good shoulder, and capturing Thace’s lips. Predictably, Thace returned the touch, allowing him to open his lips with his tongue as the kiss turned dirtier. 

Ulaz pulled away, leaving Thace smiling, eyes closed as he was dazed by the kiss.

And then Ulaz shoved the forkful of food into his open mouth. 

Thace choked, forcing himself to swallow the food for fear of spitting it out all over himself, but then had to cough as he attempted to not BREATH the slop. Once he was sure his lungs were intact, he glared up at Ulaz. “You’re evil, you know. A sadist through and through.”

Ulaz grinned, proud of his underhanded stunt. “Does that make you a masochist?” he chuckled. 

Thace grumbled. “You just come here to torture me, don’t you?”

Ulaz chuckled, resting his head on Thace’s shoulder. “Yes, I sneak into a military hospital every night, misusing my position as a medic to enter, after a long day of briefings and trainings and exercise, to lay on a cramped bed that was only made for one person, and eat the worst food in the world, just so I could torture you.”

Thace smiled, reminded about everything Ulaz was doing to come see him. “I knew it.” Ulaz chuckled, “How ARE you sneaking in, anyway?”

“I may have hinted to the guards I’m seeing a nurse,” Ulaz said, “He’s a big believer in true love.”

Thace snorted, “While, I mean, it’s SORTA right.”

“You have absolutely 0 medical training, it’s irresponsible to call you a nurse,” Ulaz said, closing his eyes as he curled around Thace, trying to settle in as comfortably as he could.

Thace actually rested against him, even though he was still trying to seem grumpy. “I could dress up as a nurse. I bet I’d make that work. Bet I’d look sexy.” Ulaz snorted, “Are you saying I’m not sexy?”

Ulaz smirked. “You’re cute.”

“Cute?” Thace said appalled, “I’m a highly trained U.S. Soldier, a scout and rifleman, and you’re going to sit there and call me ‘cute’?”

“Hmm, you’re right,” Ulaz said, lifting his head, “Adorable.”

Thace scrunched up his face like he’d eaten a lemon, and Ulaz chuckled. He won this round. 

Thace looked away, and Ulaz squinted at him. He was trying to read Thace better, since Thace could apparently read him. He looked….conflicted. “Alright, I give up, what’s up with you?”

Thace opened his mouth to come up with an excuse, but closed it again, deciding against it. “Do you…” he said, “Ok, I’m terrible at wording things. Do you...want sex?”

Ulaz blanched staring at him, “You’re not well enough.” he answered quickly.

“Wasn’t what I asked,” Thace said.

Ulaz squinted at him, “Do you...do YOU want sex?”

“I asked first,” Thace said, making Ulaz grumble, annoyed. “I’m not, like...propositioning you, if that’s what you’re wondering, I just...I just wanted to know if that was...was why you kept coming.”

Ulaz brushed his hair out of the way. “It’s too risky,” He said. 

“You literally sleep in here,” Thace said. 

“Not naked,” Ulaz said, his voice rising in pitch. He had to take a breath to come back to himself. “I’m just not….I don’t think it’s a good idea. Not now.”

“That’s fine,” Thace said. Ulaz tried not to look skeptical, but Thace saw through him, as always, “I mean it, I don’t...I mean, I was just wondering if YOU wanted it. ‘Cause like. I’m willing. But this is nice too.” 

Ulaz smiled, resting his head on Thace’s shoulder, “Yeah,” he said, “This is perfect.”

“Except for the terrible food and the shitty beds and the keeping it a secret from everyone,” Thace said. “Also the fact that there’s a hole through my shoulder and I can’t pee standing up, and everything is so GODDAMN hot and sandy. I haven’t been outside in days and I’m still finding sand everywhere, especially in places where sand just should not be.” He got Ulaz to chuckle. “But yeah. Besides all that. Perfect.”

Ulaz smirked. “You don’t have so much of a hole through you as a scar going through your muscles,” Ulaz said.

“You always say the most comforting things,” Thace said, voice absolutely SOAKED in sarcasm.

“Part of my bedside manner,” Ulaz said, with a yawn. “The point is, soon you’ll be healed up, and come back to the squad with the rest of us.”

Thace groaned, “I do not look forward to trying to sneak around Kolivan.”

Ulaz snorted, lifting his head. “Well, when I say healed, you’ll of course still need some check-ups.”

Thace raised his eyebrows, “You suggesting we...play a little doctor.”

Ulaz frowned, “I just said we’re not having sex.”

“Point, point,” Thace said, leaning his head back. “Probably for the better, I don’t even want to think about all the places sand could get up.” Ulaz snorted again. “Maybe just playing...kissy doctor?”

“I like that,” Ulaz said, and let himself be kissed again.

 

Ulaz left the hospital in a bit of a daze. He nodded at the guard and slipped him the contraband he’d managed to grab. His parents may have been cold, heartless bastards, but they had money and they sent it to him. Not to mention, being a medic made him popular for people looking for drugs (nothing heavy, just painkillers doctors didn’t want to hand out.)

“So,” literally the last voice on the planet he wanted to hear said, “You doing the walk of shame?”

Ulaz rolled his eyes so hard it hurt. “Sendak, you’re not supposed to be leaving your room.”

Sendak growled, literally snarling at him. The bandage over his eye only made him seem more menacing. “And you’re NOT supposed to be going into Thace’s room.”

Ulaz stopped himself from rolling his eyes again. He was going to get a headache. “I wasn’t in Thace’s room. And besides, why would I NOT supposed to be there? Just ‘cause I don’t come visit you it isn’t because I’m not allowed, it’s because I don’t like you.”

“Always with the jabs,” Sendak said, “But you can’t sass your way out of this,” He said, holding up a photograph. “Developed it myself. Have a look.” 

He held it out for Ulaz to see. Out of morbid curiosity, Ulaz reached for it, and took a look.

His blood ran cold. The picture showed Ulaz, on Thace’s bed as he often had been recently, clearly kissing him. Honestly, it could have been a cute picture, if it wasn’t being presented to him as a threat. “I have the backups of course,” Sendak said, “And a few more shots. Should be interesting to the general, don’t you think?” 

Ulaz chewed his cheek. “Protocol is to report to your CO,” he said, “Kolivan won’t like it if you jump ranks.”

“Are you critiquing me on how to blackmail you?” Sendak asked, “God you’re a jackass.” He snatched the photo from Ulaz’s hand. “I’m putting in for a transfer, you’ll be my doctor tomorrow. Then, you’ll sign the papers to clear me for duty.”

“You practically don’t have an eye anymore,” Ulaz said, “But surely even half blind you can see you’re not fit for--”

“I am fit!” Sendak yelled, grabbing Ulaz’s shoulder hard enough to bruise. 

“I can’t sign anything if you break my arm,” he muttered. 

Sendak released him, taking a step back. “Tomorrow, I put in for the transfer. If you don’t accept, the day after, this photo lands on the General’s desk, and you and your boyfriend go down.”

With that, Sendak left him behind.


	3. The Courtroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sendak's threats against Ulaz are too much for him to handle alone, but he'll be damned if he doesn't go down swinging. And hopefully, he can protect Thace in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for rampant homophobia and F-slurs

Ulaz walked back to his barracks an empty shell, his brain running like a hamster in a wheel. Sendak may be an ass, but he was a disruptive ass. 

Ulaz relied on his brain for anything he did, and he knew...he knew he shouldn’t have gotten involved with Thace. He shouldn’t let his emotions get in the way...It was too late now. Sendak was proven he was determined. There was no way this ended well. 

“Hey,” Krolia said to him, “What’s up? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Ulaz turned to her, and watched her expression fall as she fully took in his appearance. He must have seemed half dead with the shock and horror she gave him. He felt half dead, anyway. 

He swallowed, the hamster wheel in his brain coming to a standstill as he composed himself. Maybe there wasn’t a good ending here, but if he was going to lose, he’d make sure no one else won. “Krolia, I need to call in that favor you owe me.”

Krolia came up, already nodding. “Anything. Just name it.”

“I need you to turn me into Kolivan for being gay.”

 

Ulaz rapped his pen against his paper several times. Maybe he shouldn’t even write it. If someone found it, it could ruin everything. He had to be vague.

Dear—-

No, he couldn’t even use Thace’s name. Had to be more subtle. 

Dear Stupid,

By the time you read this, I’ll probably have been kicked so far in the ass I’ll have made it back to the states. I wish I could explain everything but, just know I meant every word I said and more. I’m sorry I have to leave. Please remember to eat.   
Yours,  
Sadist

It wasn’t exactly poetry, but he hoped it got the message across. Like Thace had said, he wasn’t much of a teller, more of a show-er. But he couldn’t show him anymore, it was too dangerous to go into the hospital anymore. No doubt Thace was already wondering where he was.

He quickly folded up the letter at the sound of the door clicking open. Thankfully, it was only Krolia. “We’re verging on the point where I’ve made up to you and you owe me,” she said, tearing off her headscarf and starting to strip out of her scrubs. It was weird, seeing her actually look more feminine.

“Did you get it?” Ulaz asked as she expertly switched into her usual uniform with very little sense of decency. Well, he guessed, when she knew he was gay there was little need for it. 

“Yeah, yeah,” she said, “put a pair of tits in his face and Sendak didn’t even think to try and recognize me.” She pulled out a film strip from inside her bra, “kept the negatives in his damn side table, the idiot.”

“Perfect,” He said, “I’ve got the computer reserved for the next hour, we shouldn’t be disturbed.”

She nodded, sitting at the computer and looking at the scanned picture. “Alright, lessee. You deleted the files off the scanner right?”

“I followed these instructions you gave me,” He said, taking out the scrap paper and going over it one final time to make sure he hadn’t missed anything.

“Good,” She said, snatching the paper from him and stuffing it into her mouth. 

Ulaz just blinked in astonishment. “You scare me sometimes.”

“Also good,” She said, clicking on the picture like mad, altering it. Once she swallowed, she said, “what I don’t get is, now that we’ve taken the negatives, why don’t we just toss them in the garbage and move on?”

“Sendak’s a cornered animal,” Ulaz said, “he thinks this is his last option. He’ll find a way to cause a fuss, pictures or no. Or worse, he’ll find a way to blackmail someone else. No, this is better.”

Krolia might have rolled her eyes if they weren’t attached to the computer screen, working at light speed. Really, they needed Regris for this kind of stuff, but they couldn’t risk bringing on more people to their con.

“I hope you know what you’re doing,” she muttered.

“Generally,” He said, swallowing as she worked her magic. 

After several minutes she leaned back, “hows that?” She asked.

He leaned forward, “disgusting,” he said, “it’s perfect.” She nodded and went to print the photo. “There’s one last thing I’m going to need you to do,” he said, taking the letter, “once this is all over, get this to Thace. Make sure to hand it to him directly.”

Krolia took it from him. “Dear John letter? Really?”

“Something like that,” he said, “I...I probably won’t ever see him again,” he said, the reality hitting him.

Krolia patted him on the back, looking sympathetic, “Get some rest, man,” she said, “You’ve got a big day tomorrow.”

 

He didn’t get much sleep. 

In the morning, he was woken by an MP. “Come with me,” he said.

Ulaz wasn’t surprised, but he did his best to pretend to be. “What’s this all about?” 

“They’ll tell you there,” he said, “Come on, up.”

Keeping his composure, Ulaz followed the MP out of his room and down to the base’s courtroom. He tried to look confused as he was led inside to find Kolivan sitting with Colonel Throk and General Zarkon. “What’s going on?” He asked.

“Patience, private,” the general said, “this should all be over pretty quickly.”

They waited an awkward and silent minute until another MP entered, escorting a genuinely confused Sendak inside. “You,” Sendak glared with his one good eye, “what are YOU doing here?”

“Eyes front, soldier,” General Zarkon said, “I want this all done as quick and quiet as it can. One of our soldiers submitted this photo to your C.O. Anonymously.” He opened a Manila folder and took out a photo.

A photo of Ulaz leaning over a hospital bed and passionately making out….with Sendak.

Krolia has done an impressive job, he could hardly see the line where it cut off between them. He was just glad he didn’t actually have to kiss him. “This is absurd,” Sendak said, “what is—how—what is this?!”

“I agree,” Ulaz said “this is a clear invasion of privacy!”

“You’re in the US Army, private,” the General grunted, “You have no privacy!”

“But this didn’t happen!” Sendak yelled, “that isn’t me! This is a set up!”

“It’s a witch hunt, is what it is!” Ulaz said, not really having to feign his anger, “this was taken in bad faith, we weren’t interfering with anything.”

“When it happens on an army base it’s the army’s business!” Zarkon snarled, ignoring Sendak just as Ulaz wanted, “And personally, I am absolutely disgusted by this kind of behavior, and I will not have it on my base.

“But I didn’t do this!” Sendak whined, “General, you have to understand I share your views! HE’S the faggot—“ he yelled, aggressively pointing at Ulaz.

“Michael, stop,” Ulaz said, using Sendak’s first name, “it’s already out there, all we can do is present a united force.”

He held Sendak’s hand and stood firm before the judge. “We are in love, and nothing you say or do today will change that. It’s wrong just to keep us apart for your backwards beliefs. Our love will survive you, and it will survive this army and this war and anything else!” He said, firmly. Sendak balked at him.

“You,” he snarled, “you’re responsible for this! You set me up and you’re trying to take me down!”

“Some love,” Zarkon said, “sergeant?” He addressed Kolivan.

Kolivan looked between Sendak and Ulaz. His eyes connected with Ulaz, who looked pleadingly. This could all come falling apart right here. “They have always been close. I didn’t say anything because I thought it was platonic.”

Sendak’s eyes went wide. “No! No, liar! He’s setting me up, I’m not gay!”

“He’s setting you up by taking himself down?” Zarkon said, doubtfully, “officers, dismiss these gentleman back to their bunks to get their belongings, and then get them on the first plane off my base, you are both dishonorably discharged, may God have mercy on you.”

The MP’s grabbed Sendak and Ulaz by the arm and pulled them back, Sendak screaming all the way. 

Finally, Ulaz was taken back to his bunk. He didn’t have much, so he packed it up quickly under the MP’s watchful eye. There was a note hidden in his book, one he didn’t remember putting there.

Cautiously, he pulled it out. 

—-go to the bathroom.

It was in Krolia’s handwriting.

He cleared his throat and turned to the MP, “before I get shipped off, I want to use the restroom.”

The MP grumped. “Fine,” He said, and led him out to the bathroom. 

The MP stood at the door, and he went in. “Krolia?” He asked. 

“He gave me a message,” a voice in one of the stalls said, making Ulaz gasp, “he said, ‘you officially owe me, now.’”

Thace stepped out from the stall, arm in a sling, and smiling shyly at him. “I assume you know what that means,” he said, shrugging.

“Thace,” Ulaz said, instinctively looking over his shoulder, “what are you doing here?”

Thace smirked, taking out a note, “you really think I’m going to let you go that easily?”

A tear sprang up in his eye, and Thace wipes it away. “You shouldn’t...I just want to protect you.”

“And why won’t you let me protect you?” He asked, “why didn’t you come to me?!”

“Because you would have just punched Sendak,” he said, “tell me I’m wrong.”

Thace sighed, cradling his face. “I just don’t want you to go.”

Ulaz held his hand, “I’ll be fine,” he promised, “You said you knew the consequences.”

“I knew them,” Thace said, “I just never thought I’d have to face them.”

It was just such a Thace thing to say, Ulaz couldn’t help but snort, leaning forward to rest his head on his shoulders, one last time, “I’m going to miss you.”

Thace massaged his back, “I’m going to miss you too. I feel like we’ve gotten practically no time together.”

Ulaz smiled, “and yet also like we’ve always been together.”

Thace chuckled, and Ulaz thought he heard tears in his voice. “See? You can do poetry if you try.”

Ulaz chuckled himself, holding Thace close. “You remember to eat, ok? And take care of yourself. Stop getting shot.”

Thace snorted, “I’ll do my best.” He leaned back, looking into Ulaz’s eyes, “if this is my last chance then I have something to say,” he said, “and I’m not really ready, so bear with me,” he swallowed, and Ulaz’s breath hitched as Thace cleared his throat. “I love you,” He said, “I love you so much and I-“

Ulaz cut him off with a kiss, stroking a hand through his hair. Thace returned it with equal passion, and they held each other, waiting for the world to end when they parted. “I love you too,” Ulaz whispered against his lips. 

He felt Thace’s tears falling properly against his cheeks. “This doesn’t have to be goodbye,” he said, “I’ll find you, when I get home. I always find what I’m looking for.”

Ulaz’s lips twitched up, “ok,” He said, “Ok, do that.”

“Will you wait for me?” Thace asked, voice quivering, “I know it’s selfish to ask, but-“

“Always,” Ulaz answered, “I’ll always wait for you.”

Thace nodded, using all his restraint to let Ulaz go. “Don’t say goodbye, ok?” He said, “I—we’ll see each other again.”

Ulaz nodded, not sure if he believed, “of course,” he said.

He took a step back, and Thace gulped, wiping his tears. Ulaz did himself, composing himself. “See you later, then.” Thace nodded.

Ulaz turned away, wrenching his gaze off Thace’s face to exit the bathroom. “Ok,” he told the MP, “I’m ready.”

 

2005

“I was dishonorably discharged from the service where I sacrificed everything I had for, not because of anything I had done, but because of who I was,” Ulaz said to the crowd below his podium. They responded with jeers towards the military. “I was let go not because I kept a secret from the military, but because I couldn’t keep my secret well enough. The Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy was meant to allow gay soldiers in the military, as long as we pretended to be people we weren’t. As long as we gave up a part of our identity.

“I returned home to a family who didn’t want me if I was gay, to a career that didn’t want me if I was gay. But that didn’t stop me from being gay. Hiding who I was never stopped me being gay.” The audience cheered, “Hiding won’t stop ANY of us from being gay! And it’s time the military, the government, the WORLD came to accept it.”

More cheers, more flag waving. The square below was filled with happy gays that drowned out the protesters who weren’t far enough away. 

One face, though….one face was smiling, but had no flag, and was not cheering. An eerily familiar face that took his attention. 

The man in charge of the speeches patted him on the back, jerking him out of his reverie. He turned, and the man took back the microphone, ready to introduce the next speaker. 

Ulaz turned back to the crowd, but could not find the familiar face again. It was nearly impossible to find anyone specific down among the crowd, looking around the mass of bodies and flags.

But he needn’t have looked. A hand grabbed his arm and spun him around, pulling him away from the crowd and toward the sidewalk. 

He gasped as he came face-to-face with Thace, hair grown out, beard grown in, but eyes….the eyes were the same, crinkled at the corners in a face splitting smile. “Told you, I always find what I’m looking for,” 

Ulaz beamed, unable to come up with anything to tell him, and so he decided to show him.

He grabbed Thace’s face and pulled him in for a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End Part One


	4. The States

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ulaz and Thace are back together and have a lot of things to discuss. It seems like happily ever after, but theres a lot more to life than happy endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Begin Part 2

“So,” Ulaz said, leaning against the bar, filled with glitter and rainbows and scantily clad men, “How long have you been state-side.”

“Not long,” Thace said, sipping on his beer, “Did a couple tours, got a contract for a job out here,” he took another sip, “The medic they replaced you with was an asshole though. Just, the worst.”

Ulaz snorted. Even without a medic looking after him, Thace seemed alright. More than alright, he looked...he looked good. Ulaz knew he was brazenly checking him out, but Thace seemed to be doing it right back to him, so...it was fine. Also he was a little drunk. It wasn’t every day the guy you sacrificed everything for walks back into your life. “Well. You did ok.”

“Every time I wanted to do something terrible, I’d hear your voice in my head,” Thace said with a smirk, “It was incredibly annoying,” Ulaz snorted. 

“Well, clearly you moved through that voice occasionally,” he said, “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be drinking such shitty beer.” He clinked Thace’s glass.

Thace childlishly stuck his tongue out at him getting them both to chuckle, “God I don’t even care,” Thace said, taking a long swig, “Man I missed alcohol.” Ulaz smirked. He remembered coming back from Afghanistan with a similar reaction. 

Thace smirked at him, “Missed you too,” he said, smoothly, making Ulaz shudder a bit, though he tried not to show it. “I tried to find you as soon as I got back, but…” he trailed off, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. 

“But what?” Ulaz asked suspicious.

“Ah, it sounds bad,” Thace winced, but Ulaz waited silently, “I couldn’t remember your name.”

Ulaz whistled low, “That DOES sound bad.”

“Oh, come on,” Thace said, “Your FIRST name, Ognjen,” he said fluently, “You hardly ever went by it, so it was hard to remember.”

“Mmhmm,” Ulaz hummed, not really upset, but milking it for all it was worth. He practically forgot his own name, “What jogged your memory?”

“I read a report about the Ulaz family in the business journal.”

Ulaz’ face fell for real this time, knowing exactly the article Thace was referring to. It was the one announcing his younger brother was taking over their business of their health insurance company, as was always expected. Stjepan Ulaz was always better with money than Ognjen, but their father wanted the next owner of the company to have a more sympathetic face. So he made Ulaz become a doctor, join the army, really become a ‘man of the people.’ His plan had apparently worked too well, Ulaz actually enjoyed being a doctor. And then...he was kicked from the army from being gay. Well, good thing his father had a spare.

“Ulaz…” Thace said, watching his face, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“It’s fine,” Ulaz said with a sigh, “My family and I were never that close, it was a long time coming either way.”

“Ah,” Thace said, uncomfortably nodding, “Well then, I’m glad you’re away from them.”

Ulaz smirked. “Thanks.”

“You never told me you came from money, though,” Thace said, leaning on the bar, “Honestly I felt like I was reading about a whole different man.”

“The man you met is closer to the real one,” Ulaz said, swirling his mixed cocktail, something fruity and inappropriately named, “I like to think he man I am today even more so.”

“Hm,” Thace nodded, “I think I’d like to get to know this man,” he said, smiling with all his flirting ability. Which...was a lot. “At minimum, he rocks a mohawk pretty well.” Thace reached forward, threading his hair through Ulaz’ fluffy dyed purple mohawk. 

Ulaz chuckled and blushed, not totally knowing how to process the close proximity. It was hardly the the most intimate thing in the bar. Several couples around them were full-on grinding wearing little more than thongs. Still, he felt far more vulnerable and exposed with just Thace touching him again. “We didn’t really know each other all that well to begin with,” Ulaz said. 

Thace cautiously withdrew his hand, “I know, and I know it’s been a while, so I completely get it if you’ve liked, moved on or--”

“No!” Ulaz said, reaching for his hand, “I didn’t mean it like that, I just,” something in the air was making his head go fuzzy, “I...don’t know what I meant. Except I am, you know, uh, interested. In you. In us. Again.”

Thace smiled and let his hand roam back up to the shaved sides of Ulaz’ head. Ulaz shuddered like a goddamn schoolgirl, before reaching up and taking Thace’ hand in his own. “If you are...I mean, if WE are going to...I mean there’s something you should know.” He turned his eyes down, not wanting anyone else in the bar to hear and wasn’t even sure he wanted Thace to hear, but he didn’t want him not to hear either. 

“You’re married…” Thace said, face falling.

“What?” Ulaz asked incredulous.

“What?” Thace repeated. “No, right? That...I mean that’d be crazy, you’re not...um, what were you going to tell me?”

Ulaz swallowed, “I’m not just gay. I’m also asexual.”

He bit his tongue, glad to just have that out no matter the result. He wasn’t surprised when Ulaz responded with “What is that?”

Ulaz thought about how he would describe it, “So, you know how I didn’t want to have sex in the hospital.”

“Yeah…” Thace nodded.

“Well, I learned about myself I don’t really want that...ever. Like, I’m just not sexually attracted to people.” Ulaz chewed on his lips. 

Thace frowned a bit, not in disgust, just trying to wrap his head around it, “So, like...not even to me?”

“I am...I AM attracted...to you,” Ulaz said, the words hard to say, “In that, I like you, and of course I find you handsome,” Thace grinned smugly at that, “I just...I don’t want to have sex with you, you know?” Thace nodded, the information seeping in, “I don’t really advertise it much, I only found out what it was like, a year ago online, and haven’t really spoken about it to anyone in person, it just doesn’t come up enough, and in my activism I want to focus more on the gay rights part, especially with don’t ask don’t tell, and I don’t want to distract from that now that I’m starting to get something of a public image, but if you want to be with me, then--”

“Hey, Ulaz?” Thace asked.

Ulaz gulped. Now he was ready for the reaction, whatever it would be. He always thought of Thace as kind, but...you never knew. “Yes?”

“Can I still kiss you?” he asked, innocently.

Ulaz’s mouth twitched, “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I still like...I still like kissing.” 

Thace smiled. “Good,” He said, “I like kissing too, specifically you.”

Ulaz sighed, almost getting frustrated with how much Thace was flirting, but that might have been a defense mechanism against being flustered. “But...you understand what I’m saying, right? I don’t want—I will NEVER want to have..you know,” he said, still worried someone would overhear him.

“I get it, I swear,” Thace said, “we never had sex before, no reason it needs to be a dealbreaker now.” He weaved his fingers until they were intertwined with Ulaz’s.

Ulaz couldn’t really stop his smirk as their hands started playing with each other, “well, hopefully SOME things will be different than last time,” he said, getting Thace to hum and encourage him to continue, “hopefully we get more than a handful of weeks.” Thace chuckled and nodded, “and now...we don’t have to be kept a secret from anyone.”

That unfortunately made Thace flinch, their hand game stopping as Thace stared down his shoes. “Thace?”

“Right,” Thace said, “I mean, of course we don’t have to be a secret or anything. It’s just,” he sighed, “so, I got a new job now, through some army contacts. Government job.”

Ulaz nodded slowly, following his thought trail, “so...you’re still under dadt?”

“Oh, no,” Thace said, “people know, they don’t exactly like their employees keeping secrets from them. But, you know, still not that popular a thing right now, so I keep it a little on the downlow.”

Ulaz nodded slowly, not much of a ‘downlow’ sort of person, not anymore. “Where is this job.”

Thace gulped. “Central intelligence.”

A man at the bar overheard him, staring in shock, “fucking feds are here!” He said, getting the attention of several other men in the bar.

Thace and Ulaz gulped, feeling the gaze of the patrons fall on them. “Maybe we should take this a little more private….” Thace suggested.

“Good idea,” and they quickly left, but not before having a few drinks thrown at them, and a number of lewd jeers tossed their way.

“Sorry about that,” Thace said, as they made their way away from the pride events, “oh, jeez you got something on your jacket.”

Ulaz looked, and noticed a large wine stain on his jacket. He pulled it off before the liquid got on his skin. But now he was shivering, instantly regretting his choice of sleeveless shirt. 

“Here,” Thace said, a proper gentleman, and took off his own jacket to lend him. 

“Thanks,” Ulaz said, clutching the sleeves to him. It was a little short on him, but more filled out. “But…..they have a point, CIA? Really? Didn’t you just get out of service?”

“It’s not the army,” Thace said, “and they might not be SUPER accepting, but it’s better than a lot of places, really. There’s a whole group of lgbt. AND they focus on making sure their employee demographics match that of the countries. Like, I know the reputation, but...it’s not all bad.”

Ulaz sighed, not sure if he believed him. “Well...I guess I feel a little safer knowing people like you work there.”

Thace smiled, pleased. “Well, would you like to come over to my place? For some nice asexual activities?”

Ulaz chuckled, “Sure,” he said, “that sounds great.”

2007 (two years later)

Ulaz jerked awake realizing there was someone in his bed. A second later he calmed down, realizing the someone was Thace, and he was fast asleep. He probably just snored extra loud and woke him up. 

Ulaz looked over at him. He was OUT, face down on the bed. Ulaz wasn’t surprised, he’d been gone on a trip to Germany for weeks and had just gotten back. Apparently. Ulaz had waited up for him as long as he could, but with flight delays and Ulaz’s interview in the morning, Thace insisted that he get some rest. 

Ulaz adjusted Thace’s head slightly making sure he could breath, and looked at the clock. Ugh, he only had half an hour before his alarm went off anyway, and there was no way he was getting back to sleep before he had to be up again. He sighed and decided to make some breakfast, maybe a nice surprise for Thace.

He was surprised that moving on the bed actually woke Thace up, “Oh, hey,” Thace said, “I didn’t wake you, did I?” 

“Nope,” Ulaz lied, running a hand through Thace’s hair. He’d started growing a beard, but to Ulaz it looked more like mutton chops, “What time did you get in?” 

“2:30,” he mumbled into his pillow, eyelids too heavy to open, “What time is it now?”

“5:30,” Ulaz said, “Go back to sleep, you don’t have work today, right?”

“Nope,” Thace sang, snuggling into the warm space Ulaz had left behind, “We can just snuggle all day.”

“I have my interview today at 9,” Ulaz reminded him.

“Oh, yeah,” Thace said, slumping a bit, “For the...that um...the thing.”

“The clinic, yes,” Ulaz said. It wasn’t the HIGHEST paying job, but...it was something. And after a couple years of close to nothing, something...something was definitely better. 

“Yeah,” Thace said with a yawn, “Good luck on it. Maybe snuggling after?”

“Sorry again,” Ulaz said, “I’m doing some more advertising for the next protest. But I’ll be home for dinner tonight.”

Thace was clearly not happy with that, but accepted. “Well. Have fun trying to destroy the government.”

Ulaz chuckled and got up to get himself some breakfast. He’d gotten some new recipes for smoothies that were really good, some nice bananas and vegetables and---

He paused at the kitchen. “THACE!” he shouted, probably loud enough to wake the neighbors, but he couldn’t worry about that right now. 

Thace came stumbling into the kitchen, “What is it? What’s happening? Oh.” He looked at the kitchen cabinet where the door was left wide open, along with the fridge. “Shit.”

“I told you, I got special seals so we have to keep these closed!” Ulaz said, looking in the cabinets, but ants had already gotten to it. They’d been working hard for a few hours it seemed, and infiltrated a good portion of the food, “the apartment’s been having major insect problems.”

“Oh...yeah,” Thace said, yawning, “I forgot, I was so tired, I just wanted to grab a snack before bed.”

“And the fridge!” he said, “God, this has all probably gone bad.” 

“It was only a couple of hours,” Thace said, closing the fridge, “It’s probably salvageable.”

Ulaz frowned at him, “I’m sorry, do you WANT food poisoning?” He asked, “Or maybe you do, what with this crap you’re eating,” he said, motioning at the cereal bar left half eaten on the counter.”

“Hey, lucky charms bars are GOOD,” he said, “And besides, remember when you were always telling me to eat MORE breakfasts?”

“HEALTHY breakfasts,” he said, “Or at least marginally so.”

Thace yawned again, “Look, I am jetlagged to hell and back and just...not awake enough for this conversation. I need some rest.”

“You’re not going to help me?” Ulaz asked, pulling out insect infested food from their cabinet.

Thace paused looking back, and visibly torn. On the one hand, he didn’t want to say ‘no,’ as he knew this was clearly his fault. On the other, he was so, so tired. “It’s fine,” Ulaz snapped, maybe a bit too harshly.

“Are you sure?” Thace said, but the argument was already won.

“Just...just go.” he said, muscle in his jaw jumping. 

Thace didn’t ask again.

 

That night, Ulaz came home exhausted, ready to slump down on the couch and sleep for a million years. “Hey!” Thace said, already sitting on the couch and preventing Ulaz from collapsing entirely, “How was the interview?” 

“Oh,” Ulaz said, “I didn’t go.”

Thace frowned at him, in either confusion or displeasure. Ulaz generously assumed confusion. “What do you mean ‘you didn’t go?’”

“I had to clean up the kitchen, and that took longer than expected,” Ulaz said, “So I was already running late, and Ryner wanted to meet early, so I just cancelled,” he said, “I probably wasn’t getting that one either.”

“Don’t you think you should have at least tried?” Thace asked.

“Thace…”

“Look I know,” Thace sighed, “I know you haven’t had the greatest luck in the past,”

“Have faced outrageous discrimination,” he corrected, “continue.”

“Oh, come on, Ulaz,” Thace said, rolling his head back on the couch cushion, “You don’t think your...look, has anything to do it?”

Ulaz frowned, “Are you talking about my hair?” he said. His mohawk had recently been re-dyed, “My piercings?” He’d gotten his ears pierced, and was considering his nose.

“Ulaz, you KNOW I like them,” Thace said, “but to potential employers, they look just a little too--”

“Gay?”

“Unprofessional,” Thace finished, “I mean, look at you, you’re in your 30s now, and you look like a punk teen!”

“Thanks,” Ulaz said, sarcastically. He wasn’t up for a critique right now, especially not from his boyfriend.

Thace took a deep sigh. “Look, I just mean...I mean I make government salary, it’s a secure job, but it’s not the highest paying.” He sighed, “You know I’m happy to support you, but I just...I could use some help.”

Ulaz snorted through his nose, leaning on the arm rest. “I’ll call some more clinics tomorrow, see if they have any openings.”

“Have you considered maybe going back to retail?” 

Thace grimaced. Immediately after being kicked out of both the army and his inheritance, he’d taken a job at CVS. His coworkers were teenagers, and standing for so long did hell to his feet and back and just...everything made him hate...everything. Not least of which were the pharmacists giving terrible advice to customers to get them to buy more things. 

But worst of all was the absolute fuckery it did to his mental state, sending him on a downward spiral that could have gotten really bad if he hadn’t found a community with fellow LGBTs in his area, the ones who wanted to hear his story and, well, yelling obscenities over a megaphone was cheaper than therapy. “That’s a hard thing to consider.”

“I know,” Thace said, “But not all retail is terrible. You could find a better place.” Ulaz hummed, not convinced, but not ready to deal now. “Anyway. What are you thinking of for dinner?”

“We don’t exactly have much food left,” Ulaz said, “And...I’m too tired to cook.” 

“We can call out then,” Thace said, “Chinese?” Ulaz grimaced, “One night of sodium filled Chinese food isn’t going to kill either of us.”

Ulaz got up, “Order what you want,” he said, “I’m not hungry, I’m going to bed.”

Thace let him go, with a sigh. 

Ulaz felt guilty as he wound down on his bed, but he couldn’t help thinking how much easier this had all been in Afghanistan.


	5. Hometown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thace goes back home for Thanksgiving, and brings Ulaz with him. As a roommate

Yeah, Mom. Yeah, of course, no worries.” Ulaz heard Thace sigh from the bedroom, “No, mom, I’m not bringing a girl home this year either. I told you, I’m focusing on my work right now.” 

Ulaz felt a weight drop in his chest, listening to Thace chuckling at some unheard joke. They hadn’t really talked about Thanksgiving plans, not that they’d had a chance too. Thace had just gotten back from another business trip, England this time, doing classified things at classified bases. But Ulaz couldn’t have helped but hope that this year, Thace was going to take him with him back to the Thace family home for some holiday cheer. 

“No, Ma, please don’t. Look, I’m sure your dentist’s niece is wonderful, but I’m sure she’ll want to spend Thanksgiving with her own family.” A pause, the sound of a zipper, “I’m only 33, Ma, I still have plenty of time to give you grandchildren. Besides, hasn’t Gertrude given you enough?” Another pause, another zipper, “I didn’t realize my sole purpose in life was to pass down the Thace family name. I’m kidding, Ma, I know you love me. I love you too, see you in a couple days. Alright, bye.” 

A click, the sound of a phone nestling back into place, and Ulaz felt a fire under his skin, unable to keep himself still anymore. He wandered into the bedroom doorframe, watching Thace count to see if he’d brought enough underwear. “So….you’re headed out?”

“Wednesday, after work,” he said, “Damn government’s only giving us a half day. I’ll probably bring my suitcases with me and head right over.”

Ulaz nodded, arms tight across his chest, “When will you be back?”

Thace sighed, “Hopefully Saturday, probably Sunday if Mom has her way, which she always does,” Thace gives a shrug like ‘you know how it is.’

Ulaz didn’t know how it is. His parents had moved from Croatia, and weren’t that into Thanksgiving as a holiday. They weren’t really that into holidays in general, Family bonding tended to mean literal bonds and stocks that could be handed down as a sign of affection. But Thace came from an all-american, football-loving, fatty food eating, truck-driving family. Thace could complain about it all he wanted, but he loved them more than anything.

More than Ulaz, definitely. 

“Well, if you’re back early enough,” he said, “Ryner’s holding a friendsgiving on Saturday. I’m making a rainbow salad.”

Thace closed his suitcase, frowning in thought, “What’s the blue part of the salad?”

Ulaz shrugged, “Blue cheese.”

Thace snorted, zipping the suitcase up. “Well, I’ll see what I can do. No promises.”

“Ok,” Ulaz said, his heart dipping a little lower. 

Thace frowned at him, scanning and searching, and as always, found what he was looking for. “What’s wrong?” he asked. 

Ulaz gave a half shrug, trying and failing to look casual, “I’m just going to miss you, is all.”

“Aww,” Thace stepped around the bed and came to wrap Ulaz in a hug. Thace was shorter, but a lot broader and easily encapsulated Ulaz’s thin frame, “I’ll miss you too. But I’ll take pictures and everything, and I’ll be sure to call you on Thanksgiving day itself. Do you have any plans?”

Ulaz shook his head, not quite ready to admit he’d left the day open in case Thace actually wanted to bring him along. It was remarkably easy, he didn’t have anyone else to do things with. “Lucky,” Thace said, “You get to relax, while I’ll no doubt be put on babysitting duty for my sister’s hoard of children.”

Ulaz swallowed, trying to find words, “You know I’m…” he nearly trailed off, unsure if he could continue, but he’d already started and Thace was patiently waiting for the end of the sentence, “I’m good with kids.” 

Thace pulled away from the hug to look up at Ulaz, scanning again. “I mean,” Ulaz said, starting up again, before Thace had the chance to shoot him down, “I LIKE Kids, so like, If you needed...help or something…” He didn’t like being this awkward and nervous, but every manner he’d ever learned told him not to blatantly invite himself to someone else’s home. Still, Thace obviously wasn’t going to ask him himself. 

Thace opened and closed his mouth for a moment, considering how to respond. “Since when have you interacted with kids?” he asked. 

Ulaz knew he was stalling. He didn’t want to outright say ‘no’ he was too nice for that, so he was trying to persuade Ulaz out of it. “There are kids at the LGBT center sometimes,” He said, “I’ve been called a ‘good influence’ on them.”

Thace opened his mouth, but thought better of it. He sighed and said, “Look, Ulaz, you’ll be bored. All we’re going to do is play football, watch football, eat outrageous amounts of unhealthy food, and then watch more football!”

“I like football,” Ulaz lied.

“You HATE football,” Thace said, walking off to grab his toiletries, “You call it ‘concussion central.’”

“I can play though,” he said, “I’m just as strong as you are.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Thace dragged the suitcase off the bed and rolled it on the carpet to move past Ulaz into the living room, “but I just don’t think you’ll like it.”

“You don’t have to introduce me as your boyfriend,” Ulaz said, making Thace freeze. “I could pretend,” he continued, “I’ll just be your roommate who didn’t have anywhere to go. I’m gay, I have a natural affinity for the theater.”

He was hoping to startle a laugh from Thace, but no such luck. Thace just dropped his suitcase to the ground, and Ulaz couldn’t see his face, but he could see the stress leaking off him. “You don’t know my family,” he said, “You don’t.”

“I know what it’s like having a homophobic family,” Ulaz said, approaching him like a wild animal, “I know the fear of thinking you’ll be discovered, I know the horror of losing them, firsthand.” Thace hunched a little, probably in guilt. They never talked about Ulaz’s family, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. “Look, I don’t want you to out yourself if you’re not ready. Really, I don’t,” he came up behind Thace, massaging his spine, “I just want to be with you. I feel like I hardly see you anymore.”

Thace sighed, but leaned back into his hand, which was a good sign.“I’ve just been busy with work,” he said, “Things have been crazy, I just...I didn’t mean to make you feel ignored. I miss you too.”

Ulaz took that as encouragement to wrap hands around his shoulders, “I know you do,” he said, “And it’s not your fault, but...but I love you, Thace. I do. And I want to be with you, even if that means I have to put on a hetero mask.”

That finally won Ulaz a snort from Thace. “I can’t imagine you acting Hetero.”

“Sure I can!” He spun Thace around, took out his earrings, his nose piercing, and excess jewelry, “What up, dude? Where the chicks at? Lets get some BEER!” 

That pulled Thace into a full on belly laugh, leaning over a chair to hold himself up. The sight of it made Ulaz smile, hetero demeanor dissolving as he pulled Thace into a hug and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Thace’s laughter died down, and he was left smiling, leaning his head on Ulaz’s shoulder. “Alright, alright,” he relented, “But I don’t think the dyed mohawk’s going to go with my family’s idea of normal.”

“I’ll shave it,” Ulaz said, making Thace look at him doubtfully, “REALLY, I will, I can rock the bald look.”

Thace’s eyes changed from doubtful to warm, “You’d do that?”

Ulaz smiled, “I hid myself for years to join the army. I can do it for a few days for you.”

Thace leaned up, meeting his lips in a kiss that Ulaz returned happily. Thace tried to pull away, but Ulaz wrapped his arms around him, trapping him to his body, “Oh no,” he muttered against Thace’s lips, “If I’m going to be straight for the weekend, I need to let out all of my gay now.”

Thace chuckled, but relented to letting Ulaz kiss him for as long as he wanted. 

 

“So, Ulaz,” Mrs. Thace said, “What do you do?”

That was the exact moment that Ulaz realized he was totally unprepared for this entire venture. 

He had handled himself pretty well up until then. Looking in the mirror, he looked completely outside of his comfort zone, practically ordinary. He didn’t really like the way he looked, honestly, having spent so much of his life moving away from the image he saw in the mirror. It was just for a few days…

Seeing Thace’s reaction to him was somehow both wonderful and painful as he looked...happy. Thace was happy to see him like this. Ulaz tried to interpret this as him being happy that Ulaz was willing to do this for him, not that this was the Ulaz that Thace loved.

Anyway, Ulaz had made it through the drive up to Thace’s midwest family. He managed to greet the onslaught of family hugs and greetings and ‘Hi, just call me Ulaz, I’m Thace’s roommate.’

He had the excuse ready, telling the truth that his family didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, and was thankful to experience this with Thace. They told the truth in that he and Thace met in the army, and reunited once they returned to the states. It was easy to just tell the truth and leave out a few details. 

But as soon as he answers Mrs. Thace’s question with the truth, “Well, I’m trained to be a doctor, but I’m not working right now.” he knows what her response will be. 

“Oh, that’s a shame, why not?”

Ulaz contemplates his answer, wondering what truths he can use. “Just luck of the draw, I suppose. The economy being what it is.”

“Oh, thats with doctors too?” She said, fixing up her meal for the evening, not the big thanksgiving meal, but just something to hold off the family for the evening as they were all coming in and getting settled, the children jumping up all over everyone’s business. “Charles has been having trouble himself ever since the old factory shut down. Damn robots, I tell you, I thought Melvin’s old sci fi films were nonsense, but maybe I should have paid more attention.” It was so weird to hear Thace called ‘Melvin.’ She tasted her food, a big pot of chili, and then started assaulting it with more spices than Ulaz thought he could stomach. “But I didn’t think that kind of thing could happen with Doctors. People don’t just stop getting sick, do they?”

“Ah, no,” Ulaz said, unfortunately distracted from trying to figure out what he would say by the sound of Thace playing with kids. From what he can see, he had at least two on his back. He was going to hurt himself… “Unfortunately not, but...a lot of hospitals like to hire from their own trainees, and it’s hard to start your own practice, and...it’s just, difficult at the moment.”

Mrs. Thace hummed in understanding. “You should talk with Kevin, he’s an injuries lawyer maybe he’ll know someone.” 

Ulaz swallowed so many responses to that, most along the lines of ‘Oh god he’s an ambulance chaser.’ He’d only been introduced to Kevin, Thace’s brother in law, once when he arrived. Now the man was seated in the living room on his laptop, a gift from his work, while Thace entertained his eldest children. “Well, I might do that,” Ulaz said, nodding. 

Thankfully, he was saved at that moment as Gertrude, Thace’s older sister, walked in, her latest child attached to her arm. “Well, Stuart’s all fed,” she said, bouncing him slightly, “I can help you with food now, Mama.”

“Thanks Gertie,” Mrs. Thace said, “Can you get the table all set up?”

“Sure,” she said, “Here, Ognjen, can you take Stuart please?” Before Ulaz knew it, a baby was being shoved to his chest. “Sorry, after 5 I’ve given up being overly protective. Watch his head, and hand him over to Kevin if he gets too fussy,” and she got to work straight away.

Ulaz looked down at the bubbling child in his arms. It wasn’t that he was lying when he said he was good with kids, it was just...he preferred them older. And able to talk. And clean themselves. 

Feeling like he was taking up space in the kitchen, he made his way to the living room, where the 4 (four, goodness gracious, he pitied Gertrude’s hips) older children had pinned Thace to the carpet. 

“Gahhhhh, Hey kids, tell you what,” Thace said, “How about a game of hide and seek! If I don’t find you, you get my dessert.” The children scrambled off him and went to run around the house in search of a hiding spot. “I’ll count to 100! Elmer, help Dolores, would you?” he called to their retreating backs.” Once the skittering of feet had dispersed, Thace collapsed back on the carpet, out of breath. 

Ulaz chuckled at him. “Oh shut up,” Thace sneered at him. He put his one available hand up in surrender, then quickly returned it to the baby, as he tried his best not to do anything that might harm it, and simultaneously keep its mess off him. “I thought you were good with kids.” 

“Just help me, will you?” Ulaz said, trying to wrap the blanket around him.

Thace chuckled again, and taught him how to swaddle properly. “There, nice and tight.” 

Ulaz swallowed the very easy sex joke he might have made. He didn’t even have sex, but he liked the innuendos. “Thank you,” he said, giving Thace a playful shove. Thace shoved him back with a chuckle, and Ulaz enjoyed the slight touch for all it was worth. “I could wrap bandages in an active war zone, I don’t understand why I can’t get a damn blanket.” 

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Kevin said from his chair, reminding them both of his presence. Ulaz was disappointed, he had wanted to fall into that moment again, to remind himself that this was all pretend, and that in reality he and Thace WERE together. “After 5 kids, I still can’t do it right. Some things a man just wasn’t built for.” 

Ulaz bit his lip, reminding himself not to get into gender fights right now. “Ah well,” he said non-committally. “Thace, don’t you have children to be chasing after?” 

“Yeah yeah,” he said, leaning over while he was getting up, and for a foolish moment, Ulaz thought he’d kiss his head, but no such luck. “Alright, ready or not, here I come!” He yelled to the house, and Ulaz could hear the distant sound of giggling. 

“Tell me, Ognjen, right?” Kevin said, “Can I call you Ognjen?” 

“I just go by Ulaz,” Ulaz said, shrugging. 

“Right,” Kevin nodded, hardly looking up from his computer. “Have we met before?”

“What?” Ulaz said, “No, I don’t think so.” He looked over Kevin, but he didn’t recognize him. 

“I could have sworn I’ve seen you before…” he said, tapping his finger and giving Ulaz a side glance, “Were you in the news?”

Ulaz blanched. Truth be told he was often in the news as an activist volunteer, but he doubted Kevin the ambulance chaser followed LGBT news. “I highly doubt it.”

Kevin hummed. Ulaz focused more on the baby until dinner. 

 

He was forced to sleep on the floor of Thace’s room. “You know, I could fit up there,” he said, as Thace set up the sleeping bag. The hoard of children got the air mattress. 

“B--” he started, but stopped himself from saying ‘babe,’ “Ulaz. We’ve come so far. You’re so close. Don’t ruin it now.” 

“I’m not ruining it!” Ulaz said, lying on his bag, “Just commenting. Innocently.” 

Thace sighed. “Sometimes the kids come in. And next thing you know, they tell their mom, who tells MY mom who--”

“I get it, I get it,” Ulaz said, trying not to grump, “I was just joking.” 

He heard the springs on Thace’s bed squeak and a hand brushed the back Ulaz had turned on him. “Hey, I wanted to thank you. This hasn’t been easy, I know, but...it feels good having you here.” Ulaz could almost hear the smile, “It feels right.”

Ulaz turned over to look at him. “Is this…” he tried to figure out how to phrase the issue that had been nagging him, “Is this what you want? A life like your sisters.”

“I don’t want to have five kids. Would totally ruin my figure,” he winked at Ulaz.

Ulaz sighed, “You know what I mean. The all-american family, the...the marriage, the kids, the white picket fence…”

Thcace sighed. “Are you asking if I want that,” he said, “Or are you asking if I want that with you?”

“I’m not proposing marriage, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Ulaz said. “Just...please answer the question.”

Thace leaned up on his elbow, looking down at Ulaz who was avoiding his eyes. “Yeah, I guess I do,” he said, “I mean, I’ve been focusing more on work right now, so it’s not exactly pressing.” Thace tilted his head, “Is….is that something you would want?”

“I don’t know…” Ulaz whispered into the night. “It’s not something I thought about much. All my life, all I wanted was to NOT be what my father wanted. What I was instead didn’t really matter.” He adjusted his head on his pillow. “And then I realized I was gay, and a broken gay at that, and marriage and a family just seemed...off the table. So I didn’t let myself think about it.”

Ulaz looked up at the sound of rustling sheets as Thace got off his bed to lay beside Ulaz. “What are you doing? What if the kids come in?”

“Silly Uncle Thace fell off his bed, oops,” Thace said, looking Ulaz in the eyes. “First off, You’re not broken. You’re ace. You’re so proud of being gay, why not ace as well?” Ulaz shrugged, not really knowing the answer. “Second...gay marriage is legal now, in a few states anyway. You’ve fought for it yourself. And you’re with me now. Haven’t...haven’t you ever thought about what a future would be?”

Ulaz worried his lip, “Ive been mostly just looking for a job,” he said, getting Thace to snort, “Everything else depends on that. I don’t…” he sighed, thinking of phrasing, “I DO like kids. Just...usually older ones. I don’t know how I’d deal with young kids.”

“Well, thats the nice thing about kids,” Thace said, “They grow older.”

“You know what I mean,” Ulaz said. “I just. I don’t know.”

Thace massaged his arm, then pressed a kiss to Ulaz’s forehead, “We don’t have to worry about that now. Just...keep thinking, keep milling. And keep me updated.” He smiled, getting Ulaz to smile as well. He kissed Ulaz on the mouth this time, cuddling into him as they prepared to sleep.

 

The next morning, Ulaz woke up to loud noises downstairs. Thace was gone. When he went to investigate, he saw the older children at the top of the stairs, looking down at the arguing adults. 

The oldest, Elmer, turned to him, “You’re in Troooooubleee,”

Ulaz frowned. Kids were weird. He trekked down the steps to investigate what was happening. 

Thace’s sister Gertrude was crying off to the side, her mother patting her on the back. Thace and his father were exchanging expletives so loud Ulaz could barely understand. Only Kevin noticed his presence, and he turned his laptop computer to face him. 

On the screen depicted a news article talking about Ulaz, and how he was kicked from the army for being gay, with a great big picture on the front of him kissing Thace in a crowd at Pride.


	6. The Apartment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thace and Ulaz retreat from Thace's family home, and face a turning point in their relationship.

The ride home was silent. What more was there to say, really? Thace had yelled and fought with his father, Ulaz nearly got into a fistfight with his brother in law, and now they were leaving, thanksgiving day, with no food to call their own. 

Thace was simmering. Ulaz had suggested multiple times he take the wheel, but Thace refused, curt and impolite. He was literally shaking like a soda can ready to explode, but Ulaz didn’t want to poke the bear any further, and so they drove home.

Ulaz wanted to offer...something. Some amount of comfort. But there was none to be had. It was hard enough getting kicked out of his own family, and they weren’t as close as the Thaces. He hoped in some way that this would be helpful, he knew what Thace was going through. 

Still, he didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make Thace explode while driving, so he waited. 

Thace sulked into the apartment, going straight for the fridge for beer. “Thace,” Ulaz said, trying to keep himself measured as best he could. “I know...how terrible this. I do.”

Thace didn’t say anything. Ulaz sighed. Had to drain a pus to get the infection out. Had to get Thace to talk to make this better. “I’m sorry,” Ulaz continued, “I’m so sorry. I know you weren’t ready to come out to them. They shouldn’t have been snooping around like that.”

“They wouldn’t have if you weren’t there,” Thace muttered darkly into his drink.

Ulaz blinked, once, twice, several times as he went over the words Thace said, “So what, this is my fault?”

Thace shrugged, “You were the one who wanted to go.”

Ulaz took a deep inhale through his nose. “I know you’re hurting,” he said, “I know this is...I can’t even imagine.”

“Can’t you?” Thace said, just the smallest glare peeking out toward Ulaz.

“What are you talking about?”

Thace shrugged, chugging more beer. “You left your family. You’ve openly said that family isn’t important to you.”

“MY family wasn’t,” Ulaz said, “My family are awful people.”

“Well my family isn’t.” Thace argued, “They’re...they’re GOOD people, they just want what’s best for me…”

“I’m sure that’s true.” Ulaz sat at the table beside him, “But...they’re wrong about you. They shouldn’t have said those things, they shouldn’t have.”

“Shouldn’t they?” Thace said, “My job would be easier if I wasn’t gay. My life would be EASIER if I wasn’t…” He hiccupped on a burp, “And I still want that life still want to have kids and be a dad and just be NORMAL.”

Ulaz blinked at him, “You ARE normal. Babe, you’re fine just the way you are.”

“Don’t call me that!” Thace said, scowling into his arms. 

Ulaz blinked, “What, ‘Babe?’” Thace grumped further. “Look, Thace, I’m your boyfriend. I’m here for you, so just...just talk to me.”

“I’m sick of talking!” he said, “I’m ALWAYS talking, you’re the one who...who has these weird ideas who’s...you WANTED this!”

“What?” Ulaz said, feeling like he was physically attacked.

“Yeah,” he said, “You were always upset I was dividing up my time between...between family and work and you. You want me all to yourself!”

“Thace, you’re talking crazy,” Ulaz said, feeling his own spiral of anger spring up, “You’re upset, which is natural, but you’re lashing out. You’re not really angry at me.”

“I know perfectly well who I’m angry at!” Thace stood suddenly, repelled like a magnet away from Ulaz, “I know what I’m feeling! I’m not some damn neanderthal straight guy like you always think of me!”

“What?!” Ulaz said, “I never thought that!”

“You do!” Thace accused, “I was never...I’m never QUEER enough for you, just because I actually act like a normal person!” Ulaz felt his jaw clench, “I don’t dress weird or have my hair weird and I have normal friends and a normal job!” he said, “You HATE my job, I can tell, and the look all your friends get whenever I mention it-”

“Thace--” Ulaz took a breath, “Look, this isn’t about me, ok? This is about what happened this morning. Maybe we should just take some time to...process it or whatever.”

“I’m done processing,” he said. “My family doesn’t want me because I’m too queer, YOU don’t want me because I’m not queer enough--”

“I DON’T think that!” Ulaz said, “Stop putting words in my mouth!”

“Ok, then, YOU say them,” Thace said, “What do you think about my job?!”

Ulaz stuttered, standing up himself, just to give him the freedom to move. “I don’t even understand your job,” Ulaz said, “It’s all classified, right? So I don’t know much to even judge.”

“You know it’s with the government!” Thace said, “‘fuck the feds’ isn’t that what your friend always says? What’s his name?”

“She.” Ulaz said firmly, “She’s a woman named Kayla and you KNOW that you’re just trying to piss me off, but using someone else’s identity to do that is REALLY FUCKING IMMATURE, MELVIN!”

“DON’T USE MY FIRST NAME, YOU’RE NOT MY FAMILY!” Thace yelled like a sword, and the words sliced straight through Ulaz’s heart.

The quiet was thick, each of them staring at each other, readying words like weapons to be lobbed at the other. “We have different politics,” Ulaz said, “I believe you’re a good person doing good work, but that doesn’t mean I think the same of your coworkers or the rest of your organization. But that has NOTHING to do what I think of you.”

“And what do you think of me?” Thace said, shakily.

Ulaz’s face melted just slightly, “I LOVE you, Thace. You’re messy to a degree that gives me a headache.Yes, I wish you’d embrace your sexuality more, because I want you to accept ME. MY identity. And when you don’t, it feels like you’re pushing ME away. The only thing I don’t like about your job is how often it keeps you away from me. You are as blunt as a hammer, but you’re sharper than you look, and you always, ALWAYS find what you’re looking for. Even if it doesn’t exist.” Ulaz swallowed, his throat going dry, “So any hatred you see in me for you is just something you made up because you WANTED to find it.”

Oh. Oh god he was crying. Just a little, but he felt it. 

Thace, he could tell, was angry, though, not sympathetic. “Not all I see is made up,” he said, his voice a low growl, “How about ‘why you won’t get a job.’”

“You know why,” Ulaz said, “And it’s not my choice, I’m LOOKING--”

“NO! You’re not! You’re a coward.”

Ulaz’s mouth fell open staring at him, “Excuse you?”

“You heard me.” He said, “You leave. You just keep leaving when it gets too hard.”

“I fought in a WAR,” Ulaz said, “I went through medical school alone, I work with the LGBT center WITHOUT my partner’s support--”

“I do so support you!” 

“And I was kicked out of my family alone! I am the bravest man you will ever meet, Melvin.”

“I said to stop calling me that,” Thace sneered. “And you weren’t kicked out of your family. You LEFT.”

“How fucking dare you!” Ulaz said, “You know nothing about my family-”

“I don’t need to, I know you,” Thace said, “You left because they weren’t enough like you, not as high-minded and intelligent and accepting as YOU,”

“They didn’t ACCEPT me.”

“Your FATHER didn’t,” Thace said, “But I read the article, what about your mom? Your brother? They protested you leaving, they would have fought for you, but you decided it was just easier to LEAVE!”

“YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT IT!” Ulaz screamed, the tears hot on his face now, “You know NOTHING--”

“You left them just like you left me!” 

Ulaz stuttered to a halt, staring at him incredulously, “WHAT?”

“You left me in Afghanistan!” Thace said, “You just...you framed yourself and SENDAK? Committing basically a felony that I became an accessory to without anyway of telling the truth about!”

Ulaz shut his eyes as though he could shut out Thace’s words. “I framed myself to save you! I couldn’t save my career, but I could preserve yours!”

“Without telling me!”

“You would have stopped me!” 

“NO SHIT!” Thace said, “Did it even occur to you that I might not WANT my career saved?” 

Ulaz stared at him, “What?”

“You should have talked to me!” he said, “We could have left together, our heads held high.”

“You would have been publicly disgraced,” Ulaz said, “You needed the army for your education, for your work, I didn’t, it wasn’t--”

“That’s not your decision to make!”

“You were just talking about how you weren’t ready to come out, and now you’re saying you wanted to come out SOONER?!”

“I wanted it to be my CHOICE!” Thace said, “you, the army, my family, you all took that away from me! And then you just left me alone in the desert with people who’d all turn me over if I trusted them, and I come back here, and I find you...and you’re spending all your time doing advocacy, which is GREAT but you KNOW it’s not supporting yourself. You don’t even accept money for doing appearances--”

“Those aren’t about the money!” 

“Well living is!” Thace said, “I’m sorry, but I can’t just keep supporting you all this time!”

Ulaz scoffed, “What, because you’re having a hard time, you’re cutting me off?”

“That’s not what this is about!” 

“WHAT IS IT ABOUT?”

“I DONT KNOW!” Thace screamed. For the first time, Ulaz saw some tears in his eyes as well. “I don’t...I don’t know,” he said, balling his hands into fists, “I’m just...I’m just so ANGRY. At my family...and YOU...and myself...I just don’t know.”

Ulaz swallowed, watching him. “I’m going to go over to Kayla’s tonight,” he said, grabbing his suitcase that was thankfully already packed, “You figure it out.”

And maybe it was his own anger driving him, but he slammed the door on the way out.

 

It could have been fixed. Ulaz knew that. 

They hadn’t said anything that couldn’t be taken back, though they were close to it. 

All it would take would be an apology. A sympathetic ear, a talking through their issues. At the LGBT center they coached such tactics all the time. Ulaz could have fixed it. 

But he didn’t want to.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want Thace anymore. There was a part of him that still loved him, would always love him, it seemed. It hadn’t stopped when they were separated across seas, and it hadn’t stopped even when Thace was at his most irritating. 

And it was childish and immature, but he wanted Thace to come apologize to HIM beg HIM for forgiveness and to return. But he knew Thace wouldn’t. He had...some points. Ulaz maybe shouldn’t have gone behind Thace’s back in Afghanistan. Maybe he should have looked harder for a job to help support them. But Thace was in the wrong too!

He drove himself in circles, justifying his actions to himself, and Thace’s actions to his friends. Thace wasn’t abusive, though his friends tried to make him think so. He’d made mistakes, terrible mistakes, but he was a good man. Which made it so much harder not to love him. 

But Ulaz wouldn’t go back. 

A week later, still couchsurfing among his friends, he got a call from Thace. 

He held his phone in shaking hands. He hadn’t even wanted a cell phone at first, but now he cradled it like a lifeline, as it showed Thace’s name. 

Did he even want to pick up? What was Thace going to say? Could he dare hope he’d apologize?

There was a petty part of him that wanted to just hit the end call button but his curiosity got the better of him. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Thace said, awkwardly, “So...you have a lot of stuff here stil, stuff that I think you’ll need…”

Ulaz’s heart sunk. They had never confirmed they were breaking up, but this was about as clear as anything. “Yeah...yeah I do.”

“Well,” he said, “I’m on a business trip to England all next week. If you want, you can come by then, and grab whatever.”

Right, of course,” Ulaz thought, so they wouldn’t have to see each other. “That sounds like a good idea.”

There was some sort of awkward shuffling on the other end of the line. “How--” Thace started, but let the sentence hang.

“How what?”

Thace grumbled something incomprehensible. “Nevermind,” And then hung up without another word. 

Ulaz was filled with anger. That was it? Nothing to actually break it off? Not even a word about the relationship or anything, just...just letting it DIE? 

Without a word to his friend who he was staying with, he got up and dove into his car, revving the engine with anger and vengeance. He was going to give Thace a piece of his damn mind if it KILLED him. 

He drove a little more erratic than he’d like to admit, over to the apartment building he called home up until a week ago. 

Somewhere along the way his fantasies shifted...Instead of yelling at him and dramatically breaking up, Dream Ulaz was throwing himself into Thace’s arms, saying he knew they’d both made mistakes and needed to talk things through to work them out. He was promising he’d find a job and support himself, and support Thace now in his time of need.

Then the fantasies switched again, imagining the varied reactions Thace might have to his confessions. The first was a passionate kiss, obviously...but the next was a terrible and cruel rejection. Worse were ones where he pulled up to the apartment, and there was someone else already there. He was trying to decide if man or woman was worse. Thace had never really come out as bisexual. Actually he never gave himself a label at all.

By the time he actually reached the parking lot he was so filled with anxiety and dread he thought about just turning around, but with herculaean effort he made it to the door.

There was no one home.

Maybe he just wasn’t answering, but after five minutes, no one came, and he heard no noise.

So he did what Thace accused him of ‘always’ doing.

He left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End Part 2


	7. Back to the Hospital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10 years after Thace and Ulaz's break up, Ulaz is working in physical therapy at a Veterans Hospital. His next visitor, though, is not a patient, nor anyone he would have expected.

2017 (10 years later)

“How does that feel?”

Shirogane rotated his prosthetic arm, with a grunt. “Better,” he said.

Dr. Ulaz raised an eyebrow at him, “But?” 

Shirogane winced, “Still kinda stiff when I lift my arm too high.”

Ulaz felt along the muscle tendons. Without warning, he jabbed into Shirogane’s neck “AH! What the fuck, Doc?”

“How is it now?” Ulaz asked, stepping back.

Shirogane twisted his head, then rotated the prosthetic again. “Yeah. Wow, yeah, much better.” he started shrugging his shoulders, trying to get everything moving right. “Thanks doc. Wasn’t expecting actual help at the vet hospital.”

Ulaz smirked at him, and couldn’t blame him. It was a fight and a half just getting these kids what they needed. And no matte how much older he looked now, Shirogane was a KID, no more than 19 going on 20, already covered in scars, a missing arm, and hair as white as Ulaz’s own. And Ulaz thought HIS hair had turned premature…

“Well, if you have any problems,” Ulaz said, “I want you to call me directly,” He took out his business card and wrote his cell number on it, “It’s not VA policy, but I might be able to help with a little less red tape.”

“Thanks,” Shirogane said, taking the card, and frowning at it, “Wait, you’re Ognjen Ulaz?”

“Quite the mouthful, I know,” Ulaz said, “Ulaz is fine.”

“No, I know, but...but I know this name.” He frowned at the card, thinking, “Wait...didn’t Obama mention you in his speech dismantling Don’t ask Don’t tell?”

Ulaz smiled, putting away his tools, “I think I remember something like that,” he said, like it wasn’t the proudest day of his life. 

“You were kicked from the army…” Shirogane said, “You pushed AMAZING strides for us gay soldiers.”

Ulaz quirked his head at the ‘us’ part. Shirogane collapsed in on himself as he realized he had just come out by accident. “Well,” He said, “I’m glad things are better now than they were a decade ago,” Ulaz said. It was closer to two decades now, since he was in the army. God, he was getting old. 

“Yeah,” he said, “I mean, it’s not perfect or anything. My CO made it REAL clear he didn’t like me dating a fellow soldier. But, not much he could really do, so that was good.”

Ulaz smiled, thinking about himself and Thace way back when. “Where’s your boyfriend now? Still on a tour?”

Shirogane’s face fell. “K.I.A.”

Ulaz’s fell as well. “I’m so sorry.”

Shirogane took a deep sigh, “It’s the life of a soldier, right?” He shrugged, “You lose a lot of good people.”

“Yeah,” Ulaz said, thinking back to all the people he’d lost...both dead and alive. “Well, if you need anything else from me, Shirogane--”

“Shiro,” the younger soldier said, holding out his prosthetic hand, “My friends call me Shiro.”

Ulaz nodded, “Shiro.” And shook his hand.

Good grief, that kid reminded him of young Thace, he thought as Shiro left. Brash and fun-loving, but serious when needed.

Ten years. Had it really been ten years since he’d seen Thace? Time moved too fast...and too slow. He’d had other relationships, not many but a few, but none worked quite like Thace. Not that THAT had worked out either, he reminded himself.

To be honest, he just didn’t really have TIME for relationships anymore. Once Don’t ask Don’t tell was repealed, the army suddenly couldn’t wait to hire Ulaz back, now as a doctor at one of their VA hospitals. And, well, it earned at least slightly more than the clinic he’d opened up for LGBT youth, so that was something, even if it kept him busy trying to tend to all the kids like Shiro who needed help. 

Oh, yeah, and helping Older vets too, but they more often had mixed opinions on Ulaz as someone who’d been kicked from the army, no matter the circumstances. Some things never change.

Still, it was the end of the day, his feet felt like they were about to fall off, and he had a bath at home with his name on it. 

“Dr. Ulaz,” his assistant, Claudia came in, “There’s someone here to see you.”

Ulaz groaned like a toddler told it was his bedtime, “Can’t you tell them to make an appointment for tomorrow? Or never? Just tell him I’m dead, I just died, so sorry.”

Claudia gave him a dry look, not appreciating his humor. Millenials. “I tried to tell him, but he said he’s not here for an appointment, just needs to talk to you.” 

That grabbed Ulaz’s attention. “Is he cute?”

“I guess in a dad-bod sort of way,” she answered. He had no idea what that means, “Says he knows you. Melvin Thace?”

Ulaz froze. Now that’s a name he hadn’t heard in a long time. “Say that again?” Ulaz said. No, it was too much of a coincidence. He just had been thinking about Thace, and so had accidentally put that name in the place of whatever she had said. 

“I know, right? What terrible mother names their kid ‘Melvin’ these days. No wonder he didn’t want me to give his first name at first.” Claudia shrugged, “He says he goes by Thace, and told me to tell you that before I had security drag him out of the building. So, do you want me to now have security drag him out of the building?”

A terribly immature part of his brain wanted to say yes, but he squashed that thought instantly. He was an adult now. He could have a respectable conversation with...with his ex without making a scene. “No, I’ll...I’ll go meet him in the waiting room.” Ulaz said, “Thanks, Claudia, you can go home.”

“I still have some filing to do--”

“Just...go home,” Ulaz instructed. “You can do it tomorrow.” The nurses and students had all left so all that was left was him and Claudia. Whatever was about to happen, he didn’t want anyone, especially his coworkers, to see it. 

He crept over to the door, looking through the office desk area to see the waiting room. He caught just the knee of someone sitting in the waiting room chairs, just a jean-clad knee, no sign of anything. 

Claudia grabbed her stuff and headed out the door, closing it behind her. “You going to come out now?” Thace’s voice sounded, eerily unchanged from the last time he heard it.

Like a kid caught in the candy jar, Ulaz froze a moment, before walking out into the waiting room. 

Ok, now he understood what Claudia meant by ‘Dad bod.’ Age had taken some toll on Thace, it seemed, but not all for the worse. He’d clearly put on some weight, his hair had receded a bit, but was still a lovely brown. He even had a thin frame pair of glasses settled over his eyes, the ends blending into his signature mutton chops he somehow always made work. 

The effect definitely didn’t hide his age, but somehow still made him seem friendly and open, reflecting perfectly the man Ulaz once knew. 

And fell in love with.

“You grew the mohawk back,” Thace said, and Ulaz realized he was being scrutinized just the same. “Dyed white?”

“No, that’s the natural color now,” Ulaz said, running his hand through the strip of hair on his head. “It actually makes it harder to dye now, so I just leave it.”

“Huh,” Thace said, putting down the magazine he was reading while he waited, something trashy that Ulaz had motioned to burn, but Claudia assured people liked them. “So.”

“So.” Ulaz repeated, “You found me. Again.”

“Bit harder this time,” Thace said, “There was a bit there it seemed I couldn’t avoid seeing your name in the paper.”

“Depends on where you look,” Ulaz said. “Why?”

Thace grunted, readjusting on his chair, scanning Ulaz. It was a feeling Ulaz had become unfamiliar to, filling him with dé ja vu. He wasn’t sure if he liked it. “You knew about Krolia, didn’t you?” 

Ulaz crossed his arms, “You mean…”

“That He was a She?” Thace raised an eyebrow, “You knew and kept it from us all.”

Ulaz took a deep breath, “I did.”

Thace snorted through his nose, shaking his head, “Just when I thought you ran out of secrets to keep from me…”

“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Ulaz defended himself, “and she kept mine. Ours.” 

Thace nodded slowly. “Guess that makes sense. Also why he—SHE was the only one who I couldn’t catch up with after we came back stateside.”

“Oh, you’ve been keeping up with the unit?”

“Yeah, we have a text group,” Thace said, “I’ll add you.”

He dug for his phone, distracting himself. “Thace,” Ulaz said, “you didn’t track me down after 10 years to ask me about Krolia and add me to a group chat.” 

Thace’e face fell just slightly. “No, I didn’t.” He said, “I wanted to ask if you’ve seen him—her, recently.”

Ulaz frowned, “no, can’t say I have. Why?”

“Her husband—did you know she got married? Contacted me recently.” He swallowed, “apparently she took some job a few years back, which involved her leaving, something covert.” He shrugged, “husband hasn’t heard from her since.”

Ulaz frowned, “If it’s covert, she’ll have disappeared for years. But they should still alert the husband if she’s dead, so, theoretically if he hasn’t heard anything, it means she’s ok.”

“Yeah, that’s what I told him,” Thace said, “But he’s got a problem, see. He’s dying.”

Ulaz collapsed back onto the desk in the waiting room. “What’s he got?”

“Cancer,” Thace said, “Skin cancer.”

“Do they know what stage its--”

“Ulaz, many things have changed about me in the past 10 years, my medical knowledge is not one of them,” Thace said, “Doctor’s said he’s dying, got a few months maybe, then that’s it.” Thace took a deep breath. “They’ve got a kid.”

“Oh Jesus,” Ulaz said, shutting his eyes, “How old?”

“12,” Thace said, “Quiet type, mostly, seemed real angry when I met him. Can’t blame him. He barely even knows his mom.”

“Can’t the army contact Krolia?” Ulaz asked, “Like don’t they have channels for that?”

“I’ve pulled every string I got on that line,” Thace said, “They refuse to even admit she’s on a job for them, or where she is. I was hoping maybe you’d heard from her, somehow. Give some sort of a lead.”

Ulaz took a long breath, “I’m sorry to disappoint,” he said, “But I haven’t heard from Krolia in ages.”

“When was the last time?” Thace pressed. 

Ulaz took a deep sigh, “Maybe about...9 years ago? Longer? Didn’t say anything about a husband or kids, just…wanted to have lunch.” He thought back to that. Krolia hadn’t really talked much at the time, the conversation had focused more on him. Him and his failed relationship with Thace, but he wasn’t mentioning that. “Said I still ‘owed’ her a favor, though she didn’t collect.” He shrugged, “I’m sorry, it was a long time ago, I really don’t remember much.”

Thace hung his head. “That’s my last dead end, then,” he said. “I don’t know what to tell Jack Kogane. And I don’t want to just let Keith go into the foster system.”

Ulaz’s head perked up. “Keith?” Ulaz asked, checking to make sure. 

“Yeah, that’s the kids name,” Thace said, “Why?”

Ulaz climbed over the desk to turn on Claudia’s computer. “I feel like I’ve heard the name ‘Keith Kogane’ somehow…”

He heard Thace approach as he logged in and searched the name in his databanks. “There was an appointment made for a Keith Kogane last month. Never showed up.”

“Could it be another Keith Kogane?” 

“Maybe,” Ulaz said, digging further, “But look, there’s no actual record here, no serial number or anything. Do you know how many hoops you have to jump through to make an appointment here?”

“Unfortunately,” Thace said, “How did he get into the system, then?”

“I don’t think he did,” Ulaz said, “You remember that photo I showed for my trial?”

“The fake one?” Thace said, “Yeah.”

“Krolia made it,” Ulaz said, “Was really good at hacking even back then. If she’s kept up those skills--”

“She might have put Keith’s name in the database,” Thace concluded, “To get your attention.” 

Ulaz nodded. “There’s just one piece of information here, a birthdate, but it couldn’t possibly be right. March 3rd, 1967.”

Thace thought for a minute, “3.3. 67. 33 67, that’s coordinates, longitude and latitude.”

Ulaz pulled up google, “Alright, then we can just plug those coordinates in and--”

“It’s Afghanistan.” Thace said, “Approximately, anyway.”

Ulaz looked up at him, “You know, I forgot how freaky you can be sometimes.” 

Thace smirked. “Thanks, Ulaz. I’m off to book my flight.”

“Wait!” Ulaz said, getting up and jumping over the desk with a level of spryness he should probably stop attempting. “I’m coming too.”

Thace froze. “Look, uh,” he swallowed, “Jack came to me to look, and I’m the one with all the military contacts and stuff--”

“And the message was directed at me,” Ulaz said, “Krolia reached out to ME. It could be other messages she has are for me too, not you.” He shrugged, “Besides, I need to use up my vacation days somehow, or I’ll just lose them at the end of the year.”

Thace sighed and smiled. “Pack your things, then, Doc,” he said, “Going on a search mission.”

Ulaz smiled right back, and it was as if they’d been transported back over 15 years, going back to Afghanistan where they first met and everything was right.

Everything was not right, though. Ulaz realized he’d missed a detail on his initial inspection of Thace.

Sitting on his finger was a wedding ring.


	8. Back to the Desert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ulaz and Thace journey far to find Krolia, and end up finding more about each other and their lost 10 years along the way.

By virtue of just having things to do, Thace and Ulaz didn’t talk much as they got packed and went through the airport security and finally boarded the overseas plan. They had to go somewhere in Europe first--Ulaz let Thace take care of the details and assumed he’d make it to Afghanistan eventually. 

But now they were on the plane, seated beside each other and a man clearly headed on vacation blocking them in on the aisle seat. Ulaz, as the skinnier one, had taken the middle seat, Thace at the window. Why they had to fly Business Class for a 8 hour trip Ulaz didn’t understand. 

Thace was staring out the window, firmly avoiding any sense of conversation, though what was so interesting about the the endless sea and maybe some clouds was a mystery to Ulaz. Personally it would make him airsick. 

Ulaz tried doing something else, but the in flight movies were all terrible, and he couldn’t focus on his work (not that he could do much anyway in a plane miles from his office) and even the stupid little logic puzzle book he’d bought in the airport held no interest. 

His eyes strayed to the wedding ring on Thace’s finger, and wondered. Just...wondered. What kind of life had Thace been living these past ten years. Did his spouse know he was on a quest for an old squad member? Did they know he was traveling with an ex-boyfriend, and if so, how did they feel about it? Were they good to Thace? Was Thace good to them? Did they have kids? Pets? A house? Was it a man or a woman or neither? What did Thace’s family think of them? Were they...happy?

Ulaz couldn’t ignore it any longer. He needed to ask at least one of the questions he had. “Don’t you have frequent flyer miles?” he asked. 

Thace hummed, jerking out of his daze of the window to look at him. “What?”

“From all your travel,” Ulaz said, “Don’t you have miles so you can like...upgrade us to nicer seats?” Nothing against the man snoring in the aisle seat, but he’d taken up the whole armrest and Ulaz didn’t know how abouts to contest it.

Thace smirked, “One, I don’t think you know how airline miles work,” he said, and Ulaz couldn’t dispute that, “Two, I don’t travel as much anymore, so I haven’t built up as much.”

Now that perked Ulaz’s interest. “You don’t?”

Thace shrugged, “It was nice in my 20s, but now I’m more inclined to try and settle, you know? Know where I’m going to be month-to-month, and not have to deal with timezones. Timezones are the worst.”

“I remember,” Ulaz said, smiling at the memory of Thace coming home from a long business trip, internal clock all screwed up, faceplanting on the couch and saying loudly ‘timezones are the worst’ and groaning until Ulaz came and took care of him. “So, you’re in a different job now?”

Thace hummed affirmatively. “Independent Contractor. Basically I give agencies advice and counsel, and I get to set my own terms.”

Ulaz nodded, “Sounds interesting.” He licked his lips, trying to decide how daring he wanted to be. “Gives you more time with your family, I imagine.”

Thace narrowed his eyes, seeing right through him. He crossed his arms, hiding the wedding ring. “Yeah, it does.” he confirmed, without elaborating. Damn, Ulaz forgot how frustrating the man could be. “What about you? You were all over the news for a while and then it was like you disappeared.”

“‘All over’ is a bit of an exaggeration,” Ulaz said, “But yeah, I’ve backed away from more of my organizer things for a bit. Once DADT was repealed, the VA really wanted the good PR of hiring back someone discharged, and I finally get to actually practice medicine.” He shrugged, “It pays.”

“Nice,” Thace said. They lapsed into silence once again. 

Ulaz swallowed. “I reconnected with my brother,” he shared, perking Thace’s interest. “A couple years ago. My father past away in 2012.”

“I’m sorry,” Thace said.

Ulaz shrugged it off. “He actually helps me, sometimes. Gets me access to the good medicine for my patients, and helps cut through insurance nonsense.” Thace hummed. “He’s still a corporate monster who works more for his bottom line than any sort of altruism, but his kids are cute, so. Pros and cons.”

Thace chuckled, “Now THERE’S the Ulaz I remember.” That got Ulaz to chuckle too, trying not to look Thace in the eye. Fuck, he thought he purged these feelings, why were they suddenly attacking him? It wasn’t fair. “I reconnected with family too,” Thace said, “It took a while. And a LOT of drama I just...This plane ride isn’t even long enough to get into it.” he said.

“We have,” Ulaz checked the screen in front of him, “Seven hours and 12 minutes, are you sure?”

Thace flinched, “I...don’t really want to get into it,” he asked.

“Oh,” Ulaz said quietly, nodding. He wondered if he really didn’t want to talk about it, or if he just didn’t want to talk about it with HIM. 

“I think,” Thace said, “I think I’m going to try to nap for a bit. Best to rest up.”

Ulaz hummed, as Thace turned and settled. Ulaz knew he was faking his sleep at first, Thace was never actually still when he really slept, but soon fake sleep turned into real sleep. And Ulaz felt alone, even as he was squished.

 

The desert was quiet.

Actually, no, the desert wasn’t quiet at ALL. There was all sorts of bustling and wandering in the city of Kabul. He wasn’t the only American around, but he was one of the few that was clearly in civilian clothes. The citizens still avoided him as though he was in full military get-up, which, Ulaz couldn’t really blame them for. 

Still the service at the Starbucks he’d set up shop in was nice. The Starbucks wasn’t very good, but it was familiar, at least. Even in the desert, there’s one on every corner.

Thace approached a few minutes later, when Ulaz was three quarters done with his cup, and sat at Ulaz’s table barely looking up. “Ok, so my contacts at the embassy said there’s been some chatter of operations in the southern part of the city. He didn’t know for sure, obviously, or he wouldn’t have mentioned it at all, but apparently there’s been some Isil cells known to try and infiltrate that part of the city.”

“Aren’t we a bit far east for Isis?” Ulaz asked, as though he actually knew anything about the conflict outside of what he’d been reading in the newspapers. 

“It’s just a cell, not a major center.” Thace said, “But, it could be a good place to try and infiltrate for an American spy.”

Ulaz took a breath through his nose. “So, What, we just go down there and scream for Krolia until she comes spilling out?”

“Well, maybe not scream,” Thace said, standing up, “but yeah.”

Ulaz blinked at him incredulously. “There’s a phrase involving a bear and a stick that comes to mind.”

“Come on,” Thace said, “Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“It’s about 15 years in the past,” Ulaz said, but followed Thace anyway.

They were definitely the only Americans in this part of town now, and stuck out like sore thumbs. At least Ulaz had the sense to wear a hat over his mohawk, and at least they weren’t in army clothes, but still. People avoided them. 

They walked in silence for a long time, aimlessly wandering the streets. “What are you looking for?” Ulaz finally hissed over to Thace.

“Not sure yet,” Thace said, “I’ll know it when I see it.”

“This is too dangerous,” Ulaz said, “We should head back to the embassy.”

Thace smirked, “If you’re getting cold fee, be my guest. I’m going to wait a while longer.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about,” Ulaz said, catching Thace’s eye. “I’m not the one with a family waiting for them at home who might need me.”

Ulaz nodded at Thace’s ring again. “It’s sweet you care,” Thace said, smiling, “But I promise, I can look out for myself and--”

“Who is it?” Ulaz said, the words falling off his tongue before he could stop them. 

Thace paused, staring him down with a slight crease in his brow, “You want to do this now?”

Ulaz’s mouth went dry as he tried to think of a reason, or some sort of excuse as to why he needed or deserved to know. It turned out, there wasn’t one, he just wanted to. “Yes.”

Thace opened his mouth, but his eyes fixed on a point over Ulaz’s shoulder. “Get down!” He urged, pushing Ulaz to the ground and behind a dumpster. Bullets rained down on the metal, ricocheting onto the sidewalk. 

Ulaz pushed Thace off him, his military training kicking off dust from 15 years of unuse as he searched the area. There were men dressed in black coming there way. “Thace, we need to go.” Thace grunted and Ulaz looked down. There was blood coming from his leg, but the extent of the damage was unclear. 

Ulaz didn’t think twice before lifting his arm over his own shoulders and lifting him to drag him to safety. God, either Thace had gained way more weight than Ulaz thought, or Ulaz was more out of shape than he’d thought. He didn’t really want to know which. 

Ulaz knew the power of adrenaline, but he also knew it would take a miracle to outrun these men. Luckily they didn’t have to go on a straight path, as Ulaz twisted and turned through alleyways and whatever he could find, Thace hopping beside him, trying to keep his breath under control. 

Finally, Ulaz felt like he’d gained enough distance and tucked away into a corner, half hidden by signs. He knew they’d left quite a trail, but he figured this was an easier way to try and see how bad Thace’s legs were. “Try not to move,” he said softly. Why didn’t he think to bring his medical kit?!

Thace hissed as Ulaz tore at his pants, examining his calf. “The bullet’s still in,” he said, “I don’t want to take it out until we can get something to disinfect the wound.” 

Thace nodded quickly as Ulaz took his own jacket, tearing it into uneven strips to try and wrap the wound and prevent more bleeding. “Ulaz,” Thace said, his voice rough as he bit back his own pain, “We need to talk.” 

“Save it for once we get back to the embassy,” Ulaz said, darting his eyes around, “I’m not sure where we are, but if we keep heading North, we should hopefully get close, or at least out of this part of the neighborhood. 

“No, really quickly, now,” Thace said, “It’s short I promise.” 

“Thace, I don’t want to attract attention or anything--”

“I’m divorced,” Thace said, shutting Ulaz up quickly. Ulaz only paused a moment in wrapping the wound, before he allowed instinct to take over. “I’m divorced. Been so for over 5 years. I only wear the ring to avoid questions and ward away potential suitors.”

Ulaz swallowed, keeping his eyes carefully on the leg, “Including me?”

“To be honest I forgot I was wearing it,” Thace said, “It was a whole family drama thing, a girl my mom set me up with from her church. We got along well enough, I thought it was love.” 

Ulaz swallowed to stop his mouth going dry, “What happened?”

Thace winced, “She cheated on me with my brother in law. Sister and I both got divorced.” Good, Ulaz thought, he hated Gertrude’s husband. “Was a relief, really. Finally got to do a lot of introspection and stuff. I decided on Bi Ace, you know that? I think it fits as well as anything.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Ulaz said, unsure of what emotion was flowing through his blood. 

Thace swallowed, taking sharp breaths to try and manage his pain. “So you know...I don’t have a family waiting for me or anything. It’s ok.”

“What?”

“Get to the embassy,” he said, “Find my friend Sergeant Ilun. He’ll get you back to the states.”

“If you think for one second I’m leaving you here-”

“Just run,” Thace urged, “For me, just...just run.”

Ulaz took a breath. “Fine,” he said, “but you’re coming with me.”

He lifted Thace’s arm over his shoulders again and started making their way.

If they stuck out before, it was nothing to now. Thace wasn’t in life threatening condition, but he wasn’t helping. They ran into dead ends more than once. Ulaz was hoping their route was so chaotic people would just lose them.

But who could be that lucky?

They stepped out onto the street and met men holding guns, the same as before. 

Ulaz dived into an alcove, guarding Thace who was trying to guard him. His gaze flicked around to where they could possibly hide, but there weren’t many options, less while half carrying Thace.

A door opened to the building behind them. Ulaz didn’t question much just pushed Thace through and shut the door behind him.

There was only one figure in the room, a woman in a niqab. “We’re sorry, ma’am.” Ulaz said, “do you speak English.

The woman tore off her face scarf. It was Krolia! “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Thace had been doing well standing on his own, but now he collapsed. Ulaz and Krolia rushed to him, keeping him from knocking his head on the ground.

“You sent us a message,” Ulaz said, “Keith’s name in my records.”

“Yeah, I told you where I was in case of emergency,” Krolia said, ripping off Ulaz’s haphazard bandages and providing washed cloths to Ulaz so he could clean better. “I didn’t think you’d come wandering around the streets unarmed!”

“Well it wasn’t a lot to go off of,” Ulaz said, “we didn’t expect to be shot at by goddamn Isil.”

“That wasn’t Isil.” Krolia said, “those were idiots who wanted to take out aggression on some easy targets and you trespassed on their streets.”

Thace gulped, “got your attention,” he muttered, “Krolia, Jack sent me. He’s—“

“I know,” Krolia said, swallowing. “The army sent me a note. I know about Jack.” She looked down sad. “I can’t...I can’t come back.”

“But your kid—“ 

“I know,” Krolia said, hanging her head. “I-I know. I don’t want to leave him. I shouldn’t have come here at all…” she sniffed, holding her tears hostage. “But I did. And I can’t come back until it’s done.”

“And when will that be?” Thace demanded, frowning, “when Keith is in high school? College? When he doesn’t remember who you are?”

“I don’t know!” Krolia said, “look things are..complicated. And I can’t tell you all the details, or you’ll be involved too.” She clutched her head, “Keith will never understand. But you have to believe me. I’m doing this for him.”

“No I don’t,” Thace scowled, “I don’t have to believe anything. He’s your SON. He’s your responsibility, he’s-“

“I know!” Krolia shouted, silencing them. Ulaz finished re-binding Thace’s leg, and sat back, watching the pair glare at each other.

Krolia turned to meet Ulaz’s eyes. “I’m calling in my favor,” she said, “You owe me, Ulaz, for all that work with your trial.”

Ulaz swallowed, “What do you want?”

“Care for my boy,” Krolia said, “Please. I’ll come back eventually, but...but please take care of him. 

She stared up at him with pleading eyes. He was quite sure that some photoshop and accessory to a felony wasn’t quite on par with raising a child, but still, it didn’t seem like he could just say no. 

He might not have a gun on him, nor his medical kit, but he always carried a pen and notepad. He handed them over to her. “Put it in writing,” Ulaz said, “So your husband knows. And maybe write him a note as well.” 

Krolia swallowed, but took the notepad from him, and went to the far corner of the room. 

Ulaz looked back to note Thace was not glaring at Krolia anymore, but at him. “What?” 

Thace breathed through his nose, “So you’re just going to adopt a kid?” he said, “Just like that? You’ve never even met him.”

Ulaz sighed, “Well, I’m not exactly going to let him get thrown around by the government. You know how much trust I have for that.”

He thought that would make Thace smile, but he just stared him down. “You don’t like kids.”

“I like older kids,” Ulaz said, “Keith is 12, it should be fine.”

“Keith is in the midst of the worst year of his life,” Thace said, “His father’s dying, A stranger is about to appear on his doorstep to tell him his mom doesn’t want him, and that he’s moving him halfway across the country to live with him, while he spends most of his day working at a hospital the kid can’t visit. AND he’s going through puberty. Are you sure you’re going to be able to handle that?”

“Well what choice do I have?” Ulaz said, “I’m not about to abandon him. I was an adult and not even close to my father when he died, and it was hard for me. I’m not going to let him be alone.” Ulaz sighed, sitting on the floor. “I don’t know if I’m up for this, no. But I’m ready to try.”

Thace’s smile twitched. “I forgot how damned stubborn you could be.”

“Mr. Pot, the kettle’s calling for you,” Ulaz said, raising an eyebrow, “He says you’re black.”

Thace actually chuckled. “Let me help you,” he said, “Two parents are better than one, right? And my job gives me more time off than yours.”

Ulaz nearly gulped. Thace had disappeared for 10 years of his life without a trace and then all of a sudden, he was considering having their lives pretty thoroughly intermixed. “Alright,” Ulaz said, because there was no other answer, “Alright. We’ll figure out the details later.”

Thace nodded, shifting on the ground and suddenly remembering he was shot as he flinched. 

Krolia came back, with three sheets of paper torn out of the notebook. “This is for lawyers,” she said, handing over the first one, with some legal-ese declaring him her chosen for caring for her kid, “This is for Jack,” she said, handing over a much longer note Ulaz folded up without reading. It wasn’t for his eyes. “And this...this is for Keith.” This paper was already folded up, a great deal thicker. “I don’t think he’s ready for it yet. But if I’m not back before he’s 18, for whatever reason…” her voice trailed off and she hung her head. “I don’t expect him to understand. But hopefully by then it will be long enough I can explain my reasoning.”

Ulaz took the note and put it in his pocket. “I’ll keep it safe,” he promised, with the underlying promise he’d keep Keith safe as well.

Krolia nodded, turning her face stony to hide any emotions. “I’ll escort you both back to the embassy. You’ll be safe there. Oh, and one more thing:” 

 

Texas (A week Later)

When Keith went to visit his father after school, he found a pair of men sitting in the room with him, talking in low voices. The first he recognized as Mr. Thace, who his dad had introduced to him as an old friend of his moms. He had a crutch he was leaning on, his leg all wrapped up in bandages. The second was tall and lanky, but with a mohawk, despite seeming way too old for one. 

“Keith, Keith come here,” his dad beckoned, his arm shaking badly. No one wanted to say it, but Keith could tell his dad was getting weaker by the day. He knew it wouldn’t be long now, but he refused to cry, not in front of his father, and certainly not in front of strangers.

“Keith, you remember Thace, and this is his friend Ulaz,” his dad said, “They’re going to take care of you, son.” Mr. Kogane beamed like it was Christmas. 

The Mohawk one, Ulaz, came up to Keith. “Your mom wanted to be here,” he promised, but Keith had already written the woman off as a stranger, “And she wanted to give you this.” He held out a strange dagger.


	9. Back at Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thace and Ulaz have been caring for Keith for 2 years, but their situation may be shifting.

2019 (2 years later)

“You have your homework?” Ulaz asked, brewing his coffee while Keith got everything ready behind him. 

“Yeah,” Keith said, with the despondence only a teenager could show. “Oh, I’m going to the community center to play basketball after school.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on,” Ulaz said, turning at him as the machine started to drip, “What’s this? I thought I told you the child services rep is coming tonight.”

“Oh yeah,” Keith said, “I’ll tell them all about how you beat me with rocks.”

“Not funny,” Ulaz chided, but didn’t really expect Keith to take him seriously, especially based on the smirk Keith had. 

“It’s fine,” Keith said, “I’ll be home well in time for that.” 

“And your homework?” Ulaz asked, “You’ll have time enough to do that?”

“Yes!” Keith insisted.

Ulaz frowned, suspicious. “Who are you going to play with?”

“Just some kids from school,” Keith said with a shrug. Ulaz stared him down with a slight raise of his eyebrow he’d perfected. Keith groaned and rolled his eyes, “Lance, Hunk, and Pidge. Shiro’ll be there too.”

As soon as Ulaz found out his former patient was working as a youth coordinator, he made sure to introduce him to his new son, and Keith had gotten instantly attached. Ulaz was glad, he could always use more eyes on the moody teenager. “Can’t you go some other day, then?”

Keith groaned again, right as Thace wandered into the kitchen, still more than half asleep, on a singular quest for coffee. “Thace!” Keith complained, “Tell Ulaz I’ll have plenty of time to be here for the child services interview.”

Thace blinked, unprepared to have to be a human quite yet. He blinked, looking between Ulaz and Keith, both staring at him expectantly. “Be back by 5?” he suggested.

Keith turned back to Ulaz. Ulaz sighed. “Four,” he said, “And I’m texting Shiro to make sure he knows that too.”

Keith beamed. “Thanks! I’m going for the bus!” He said, swinging his backpack on his shoulders and heading out.

“No dessert until ALL your homework is done,” Ulaz shouted after him, “Love you!”

“Yeah yeah,” Keith said, closing the door behind him. 

Ulaz sighed. Behind him, Thace chuckled, having acquired his coffee and slowly figuring out how to be a person. “He appreciates it,” Thace said, more of a mumble than a full sentence, “Its hidden under a good pound of sarcasm and that emo music he listens to, but he appreciates having someone who cares enough about him to set rules.”

Ulaz got his and Thace’s own breakfast, simple eggs and toast, and set it on the table. “And when does this appreciation start to show?” 

“In my experience?” Thace asked, “Around the time he needs pizza money in college.”

Ulaz chuckled, and they both dug in, Ulaz fully dressed, as he liked to get ready for work before he ate, and Thace looking like a warmed over corpse. “So,” Ulaz said, once he determined Thace had woken up enough, “What’s on tap for you today?”

Thace shrugged, “I’ve got a conference call at noon. Otherwise I’m free.”

Ulaz nodded, “Would you mind, if you have the time--”

“I’ll pick up a little around the house,” Thace nodded. Ulaz looked up in surprise at his volunteering. “For the child inspector, right?”

Ulaz snorted, “Child Services Agent,” Ulaz said, “They’re not ‘inspecting children’ just making sure the living situation is suitable.”

“Mm,” Thace said, “I like my version better.”

Ulaz finished his food and took it to the sink to wash later. “I have stuff for zoodles tonight. It’s a quick recipe, so I should have enough time to make it, but if you get the chance--”

“Ooh, you’re trusting me with the spiralizer?” Thace said. 

“No imaginative ‘red sauce’ this time, alright?” Ulaz said, “Or at least if you cut yourself bandage it properly.”

“Your trust in me is so endearing.” Thace said, “Don’t worry, I’ll make dinner with minimal personal injury.”

Ulaz grabbed his bag. “Thanks.”

He didn’t know why he did it. He wasn’t thinking, just fully on autopilot as he leaned over to peck Thace on the cheek. Except Thace turned as Ulaz bent down and Ulaz caught the corner of his lips instead. 

For a long, long moment, Ulaz and Thace stared at one another, both shocked and surprised, but it was unclear if Thace was pleased, upset, or neither. Really, it wasn’t unfair, as Ulaz wasn’t sure which of those he was feeling himself. 

“Um…” Ulaz said, unsure of what he should say, what he COULD say. “I...have to go to work.”

“Ulaz, wait,” Thace called after him, but he was already halfway out the door.

 

Ulaz felt he was justified in being distracted the whole day. Not that he was about to explain that to any of his coworkers.

His mind was trapped in that one moment where he kissed Thace. It’s not...well it wasn’t like he hadn’t THOUGHT about it. They were both single, had been living together for about 2 years now, were raising a teenager together. They often had to tell people they weren’t a couple, and rarer did they explain how they had dated, just a long time ago. 

And...Ulaz couldn’t deny he didn’t have those feelings toward Thace, still. He had thought about bringing it up to him, but there was always something. The past two years had been chock full of trying to help get Keith settled in a new school, a new house, with new parents and new friends in the most terrible time in his life. There was no time to try and figure out how Thace and Ulaz fit together. 

Maybe it wasn’t a good idea. After all, the last time they’d dated it had NOT ended well. But they were different people now...ugh, it was too many variables. They needed to talk to about this...but not yet. They still had this damn child services meeting to get through...ugh why must there always be something. 

Thace did not text him all day. Usually he sent some sort of interesting note, he got bored easily. Or maybe something sent into the group chat with his old squad, the one Thace seemed to keep alive all by himself.

No way to know what he was thinking. 

He made it home early, having arranged his appointments to end when he could get home before the agent came over. 

The house was cleaner than it had been since the moment they’d moved in. Ulaz actually blinked in surprise. Keith was sitting in the living room pouring over papers. Thace was nowhere to be found. “Hey,” Ulaz said, greeting the teen, “How’s the homework coming?”

“Almost done,” Keith promised. 

Ulaz sat on the couch beside him, “How was the game?”

“Alright,” Keith said, “Allura came too. Hunk and Pidge didn’t really want to play, so it was mostly just me and Shiro vs. Lance and Allura.” 

“Ah,” Ulaz said, leaning back, “who won?”

“We played a bunch of games,” Keith shrugged, “But...me and Shiro. Every time.”

Ulaz chuckled and pat him on the back. 

His laughter was instantly cut off as Thace walked into the room, locking eyes with him. He froze, looking up at him, trying to think of what to say. “House looks great,” he said, wincing as the words came out. Goodness, what was he thinking?

“Thanks,” Thace said, nodding. “I’m just...getting the nice silverware. Thought it’d be good to have our best.”

“Good plan,” Ulaz said.

Thace went to their cabinet and pulled out the box, before retreating to their barely-used dining room. 

“That was weird,” Keith said, “Why was that so weird?”

Ulaz sighed, “Weird adult stuff,” he waved Keith’s question off.

Keith’s eyes went wide and he whisper-yelled “Did you guys fuck?!”

“What?!” Ulaz said, “No! And language!” Keith held his hands up in surrender. “Goodness, we’re both asexual, Keith.”

“I know,” Keith said, “That’s why I was confused.”

Ulaz sighed, “There are other types of adult stuff out there.” 

Keith tapped his pencil, looking at him critically. “...Taxes?”

Ulaz pinched his forehead, knowing Keith wasn’t about to stop questioning. “We…” the words were harder to get out than he expected. It made it real. “We kissed.”

Keith nodded, then waited. When it was clear Ulaz wasn’t going to continue he asked, “That’s it?”

“It was an accident,” Ulaz said, “And...I’m not sure what to do about it yet.”

Keith snorted, which Ulaz thought was rather rude, “Hate to break it to you, but thats not adult stuff. That’s like...Kindergarten drama.”

“What kind of kindergarten--nevermind,” Ulaz said, shaking his head, “Just...there’s a lot of history there and...it makes it awkward, ok?”

Keith rolls his eyes, “Yeah, THATS what makes it awkward.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ulaz asked.

Keith put his pencil down, and gave Ulaz a ‘really?’ look. “You realize I thought the both of you were married for like, a MONTH when I first moved in right?” Ulaz blinked. He did not know that. “You guys act like a couple. Like. All the time.” 

“We do not.” Ulaz argued, “We act as a unit. Sharing a household, and caregiving responsibilities...but that doesn’t make us a couple.”

“No,” Keith admitted, “What makes you a couple is the lovey dovey looks you both keep giving each other.”

“We do not!” Ulaz said. Keith raised an eyebrow at him in a frightening impression of Krolia. “Shut up, you’re like, 14.”

“I’m exactly 14, in fact,” Keith said, innocently returning to his homework. 

Ulaz was quite literally saved by the bell, as the doorbell rang and the child services agent arrived. 

Everything was going great, they had the agent, a Mr. Iverson, over for dinner, Keith was actually on his best behavior (other than a few sly glances between Ulaz and Thace,) until he finally asked to retreat upstairs and do...whatever it was teenage boys did alone before bed. It might just be texting or listening to music. Ulaz wasn’t about to ask. 

“So, the good news:” Mr. Iverson said, “Everything seems to be in order.” 

Ulaz breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t expect it to go otherwise, but he was already so in his own head, some panic may have set in. “What’s the bad news,” Thace said, more suspicious.

“The bad news is now we have paperwork to go over,” Mr. Iverson said, “Filling in small holes, oversights, clerical errors, etc. So, when were you married?”

Thace and Ulaz both froze. They gave each other looks, trying to decide who was going to tell him. “Well uh,” Ulaz said, finally, “We’re not, actually.” Easy enough, though he couldn’t meet Thace’s eyes. 

“Oh, my apologies,” Mr. Iverson said, scratching something out, “When did you start dating?”

“We’re not--”

“About 18 years ago,” Thace cut Ulaz off. THAT got Ulaz’ attention real quick.

There was an awkward moment of silence before Mr. Iverson set the papers on the table. “Mr. Ulaz, I’m aware there is a history of homophobia in organizations such as mine, but I promise you, Even if I was biased, which I am not, there are laws in place to protect lgbt parents.”

“Oh, it’s not that,” Ulaz said, looking between Thace and Iverson, “I just…we DID start dating, for a short time, back in 2001, but then we were separated for a few years,”

“We started dating again in 2005,” Thace said, “When I finished my tour and came back to the states.”

“You were in the army?” Iverson said.

“We both were,” Thace said, a nostalgic smile on his face, “They didn’t ask, we didn’t tell.” It was a technicality, but it was true. Iverson smiled at the joke. 

“Yes,” Ulaz said, “But..we separated in 2007. We didn’t see each other again for 10 years.”

“You both have a rich tapestry,” Iverson said, scratching something else out on his paper, “A real interesting love story.”

“It’s not a love story!” Ulaz said, standing up, the chair scraping against the wood floor. 

Thace and Iverson stared up at him. He took several long breaths, embarrassed at his outburst. He quickly pulled his chair back in, sitting down and in a staring contest with the table.

Iverson clicked his pen and templed his fingers. “Mr. Thace, Mr. Ulaz, My priority here is what’s best for Keith. If your relationship is going to be a problem-”

“It’s not.” Both Thace and Ulaz said at the same time. 

Ulaz took a deep breath, “We may...have some things to figure out,” he side-eyed Thace, “but we came together to care for Keith. Above all else, that is our priority. We won’t let anything get in the way of that.”

They answered a few more questions, the atmosphere tenser than it had been earlier. Finally, Iverson left, thanking them for the dinner, and left them in a silent house. 

Ulaz could hear Thace shuffling behind him, gathering the dishes. Reluctantly, he went to go help him, neither looking at each other, just...working in sync. They were two parts of a machine, or maybe of a whole. Ulaz was so worried as to how to make them fit together, he didn't realize they already had.

Thace finally broke the silence as they washed the dishes, Thace washing, Ulaz drying and putting away (their dishwasher had been on the fritz, Ulaz needed to call someone about that.) “So, are we going to talk about it?”

“I’m sorry about my outburst,” Ulaz said, “It’s...I shouldn’t have taken it so personally, it was just, going through our history like that was a lot, so--”

“I meant,” Thace said, “Are we going to talk about that kiss this morning?”

Ulaz paused for only a moment, but he kept going. “Ah,” he muttered, “I’m sorry about that. It was just instinct, old muscle memory from back in the old days, I guess.” He swallowed, putting a plate away, “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, or whatever.”

He was surprised to hear Thace laughing. Turning it seemed Thace was trying to hide absolute guffaws. “Uh, Thace?”

“I’m sorry,” Thace said, waving off his concerns. “It’s just, you are like, the smartest person I know,” he couldn’t help laughing more, “So I forget how absolutely DUMB you can be.”

“What?” Ulaz scowled at him. 

“A total idiot,” Thace said, still laughing, “you’ve been worrying SO much, trying and failing to hide your feelings from me,”

“Hey,” Ulaz blushed, looking away.

“You didn’t even consider what MY feelings were.” Thace said, his chuckling dying down.

Ulaz stared at him just laughing and laughing and not really sure what his own brain was doing. The first thought that made it through the chaos of firing neurons down to his lips was “What.”

Thace leaned on the counter, smirking at him. “You heard what I said.”

He wasn’t actually sure he did. But the way Thace was looking at him…

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Thace said, still smiling. 

Ulaz swallowed, “I’m not asking.”

“I’m not telling,” Thace said, staring him down. His brown eyes looked almost golden. 

Ulaz willed his mouth to open to say anything, to find out if Thace really still loved him, really cared and wanted something too, but the air didn’t make it to his vocal chords. He wasn’t passed out so he must still be breathing, but he didn’t have much evidence beyond that. 

“Ok, I’ll make it easy on you,” Thace said, “I’ve always been more of a show-er anyway.”

He took a box out of his pocket, and that’s when Ulaz blacked out for a second. He didn’t faint or anything, but he honestly couldn’t remember a good long moment when he looked back on it. He did stumble a bit, though. 

“Ulaz? Ulaz? Ognjen!” 

Ulaz shook his head, coming to. “Did you just say my first name correctly?”

“Is that what you’re going to focus on when I’m kneeling in front of you holding a ring?” Thace asked.

And he was holding a ring, a simple silver band with intricate engravings. Ulaz felt the muscle in his jaw jumping. “I--” he started, “We haven’t even dated, for 12 years we haven’t dated.”

“We’ve been living together,” Thace said, “making things work, side by side, you and me. And it’s been the best time of my life.” He reached up for Ulaz’s hand, and Ulaz gave it. “And we love each other. Even when we were too young and immature to love properly. But we know better now. And don’t tell me you don’t love me, because I can see clear through you, as easily as when we met.”

Ulaz swallowed, “It’s just...it’s not a good time...we have to look out for Keith and--”

“Keith’s a good kid,” Thace said, “Better adjusted than he thinks, with a good group of friends, and has settled into this new town. And we’ll still be there to handle anything that comes up. Together.”

Oh those were tears. There were definitely tears coming down his face. “You don’t even want to try dating and things first? Wait and see how things go? We messed up pretty bad last time.”

“I’ve been waiting for you for twelve years,” Thace said, “I married the wrong woman after waiting because of what my parents wanted, but I already knew what I wanted. I always have. And I knew this morning that you do too.” 

Ulaz gulped staring down at him with tears streaming from both eyes. “Did you buy this today?”

“Yup,” He said, “I can’t deny, I’ve been looking at some options before, you know, just in case, but I knew this morning it was time.”

“That’s stupid,” Ulaz said, voice wobbling horribly, “You’re so stupid,” He said openly sobbing. 

Thace got up, gently touching his shoulder, “Ulaz, are you ok?” 

Ulaz threw his arms around Thace and held him close crying into his shirt. “Ok,” Thace said, “I know I just said I’m good at reading you but I’m getting some mixed signals here.”

“Yes I’ll marry you, stupid,” Ulaz said, holding him tight, squeezing 12 years of love into just one...well, squeeze.

Thace coughed, “Kinda squeezing the air out of me, babe,” Thace said, pulling away, and Ulaz tried not to jump like a schoolgirl at the return of that moniker. He did release him, allowing Thace to breath. “Jeez, you really are a sadist. 

Ulaz laughed, “Only you call me that.”

Thace held out his hand, and when Ulaz realized why, he almost started sobbing again. Instead he put his hand in Thace’s and watched as Thace slipped the ring over his finger. 

“Finally!” A voice came from the stairs. They both turned just in time to see Keith scamper away at the realization he’d been caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that is the end! I am sick, but I had fun writing this end bit.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! My tumblr is dork-empress


End file.
